Where are the young women?

me in St Louis for a recent work trip

I'm in that weird age between young and old.  I have children the same age as women decades younger than me, and I have peers my own age who have grandchildren, some older than my children!  I straddle two different worlds.  Other worlds get straddled, too.  I work full time outside of the home while many women my age are starting to look towards stopping working.  I joke that I'll never retire, my younger daughter graduates high school when I turn 65 - and instead of of planning my retirement, I'm looking at college tuition (times two).  And it makes me crazy when my daughters' friends think I'm their grandmother -- do I look that old?!)

When I was a young woman, particularly before I had kids, I thought that Sisterhood* was a bunch of old women who sat around planning stuff for old women.  I still think of myself as a (relatively) young woman, probably largely because I have young(ish) children, but I now look at Sisterhood differently.  Those of you in your twenties and thirties truly are young woman.  And I think you'd be surprised at how much we have in common - paticularly those of you who are mothers.

When I looked at what I wanted from my synagogue, first I didn't even consider getting involved with Sisterhood.  After all, I have young children, why would I want to get involved in an organization of old women? Plus, no matter what my actual age is, I still think of myself as a young woman, one with young kids.   I bcame involved in the religious school and social activities for the youth at the synagogue. While rewarding, though, something was missing.  Helping to plan activities for the kids was fun, but there had to be more.  Almost by accident, I attended a Sisterhood event.  I didn't go because it was Sisterhood, I went because the program appealed to me. Isn't that really why you should go to any event, because it looks interesting?  And yes, many of the women there were older women....but the program could easily have included young women - and it should have.  The topic was timely, the snacks were delicious, the conversation lively and interesting.  So why didn't it?
Why do young women still see Sisterhood as a group of old women?  Even when they come to a program, it is not with the intent of continuing an association with the group - it's almost a "one off"...as if Sisterhood's having an interesting program was a fluke.  What would entice these young women to actually join Sisterhood, to become leaders?

at Feeding Children Everywhere

Do we need to do more family programming, things that would include childen?  What are the interests of these women, not all of whom are mothers, or married, some of whom work outside the home, some of whom don't?  No one program will appeal to everyone, but what should we be adding to what we currently do to appeal and make this missing group notice Sisterhood and want to get involved?

at Second Harvest - we sorted a LOT of potatoes!

One of the reasons I am so involved is to be a role model for my children.  I want them to see me involved and actively participating in the community, in as organization that helps people.  I want them to see the rewards of involvement and commitment - the internal rewards, gratification for doing something that is for others, not myself.  I don't even mind if they see the selfish rewards, how good I feel for participating in something bigger than just myself and my family.  I want to get them involved when I can so that they can start to feel the rewards that come from being part of the community and contributing to something bigger than themselves and our family.  Do they get it yet? Maybe.

the girls learn helping can be fun

So, back to Sisterhood and young women.  Despite the fact that I was almost the youngest person at that first program by many (and I mean many) years, I was hooked.  Maybe I'm too old to connect with the young women and figure out what they would want from Sisterhood.  Like I said, I feel young, but I know intellectually I'm not. On the other hand, maybe we'll do enough programs, have enough events that appeal to this younger audience that they'll see the benefit of belonging and want to get in on the planning of more programs.  Sisterhood should be reflective of our community, not be just a bunch of older women (sorry, no insult intended!) planning activities that we are interested in and just hoping will appeal to a broader group.

* Sisterhood is the women's group at our synagogue and is an affiliate of Women’s League for Conservative Judaism, the network for all women who support our mission of enhancing Jewish knowledge, engaging in Jewish life, expanding communal involvement, and supporting klal Yisrael.  

Golden

It's been so long since I've written I don't even know where to start.

Do I start with my frustrations from work or from home or from specific incidents that have happened?  Do I talk about my worries about my daughters, finances, animals, me?  Or just focus on the good things that have been going on and ignore the not-so-good?

I do know that I really and truly hate it when people tell me to "just let go of it" if I'm stressed about something.  So easy to say and I probably should in some instances let go quicker than I do, but I believe it is okay to get mad about stuff - even healthy sometimes.  And sometimes you have to work though why you were mad, were you over-reacting or was your reaction justified?  After I've done all that, then I can let go of the mad and move on.  Fortunately, it doesn't usually take me very long to go though the whole process.....the mad goes away, although I do retain hurt a while.

And there have been a bunch of things lately that have made me crazy angry...and I still feel a bit of a residual resentment floating around inside.  And I think for some of this I may have the remnants for a long time, but I do think I've moved on and the relationships are intact, at least as much as they need to be.

Do you ever feel like your feelings don't matter and other people do whatever the hell they feel like and the world says that's okay, they're the golden people who can do no wrong and so you just have to grin and bear it?  I've felt that way since the fourth grade....and I can give specific instances from the fifth grade on that prove there are two kinds of people in the world - those who can do whatever they want, right or wrong, and not only get away with it but get rewarded for it, and the rest of us, who have to actually do the work and take the consequences for what we do if it doesn't work out perfectly. It's a sad fact of life I learned young and keep getting reminded of.

I've never been in the other group, so I can't tell you for sure what it feels like to be one of the golden people.  I imagine it's....well, a non-issue.  I imagine that these people don't even know that they get away with things.  My belief is that they go through life happily oblivious to the fact that not everyone gets away with the stuff they do, that they get special treatment at all - and that they would deny it if told about it.  They're probably blissfully unaware that they're getting away with anything, they're just so used to doing what they want, it's standard practice, just the way things are.  And it's a sad fact of life that this is not going to change.

I can live with this for me.  Ron is used to my ranting, I mean venting, about stuff and life just goes on.  But I really resent it for the next generation.  It's the mama bear in me coming out.  I was never petite and cute and sweet and perky and golden.  But I resent when my daughters have to deal with the same garbage, and I don't know how to help them when these situations come up.  No, life is not fair. If you know how to explain that to a seven year old, please give me a call.

So, I'll get up tomorrow and go work and hope for the best for my day, for my daughters' days, for my husband's day.....and deal with whatever gets thrown our way, hoping it's not too much for any one person to handle until we get home and can deal with it as a family - where everyone is a golden person and gets a chance to be the one who gets away with stuff, if only for a minute.

What Kind of Mad's in Your Wallet?

So, what I really want to know is....when you're angry, do you [1] say what you really mean because your impulse control is gone or [2] make something up in the heat of the moment that's hurtful?  I don't mean YOU, it's somewhat rhetorical.  The first gets my vote, but I'm not sure.  I think I say what I've been thinking and wanting to say but haven't had the nerve...or heart.  But I still try to not be mean or overly hurtful.  I don't think others are the same way.  And words linger forever in your mind.  I've been trying to teach the girls that - you can't un-say something.  I can't say mad long, one of my better traits, I think, but I do  stay hurt long...and I keep hearing the words said in anger over and over in my head.  And venting doesn't help.  The words are still there, chiseled into the rock of my brain.  I may not even remember what set the whole situation in motion, but the words repeat ad infinitum.

My mother would be silent when she got mad.  She always said it was better to be silent than to say something that you would later regret and be unable to take back.  So true, but not my style.  I actually don't think I know anyone else who does that.  And she did is most of the time - probably learned the hard way and chose that route.  I try to follow that rule with my daughters - to not say anything if I can help it.  They interpret things so often in ways that were other than the way it was intended - especially when they are upset.  They, however, have no difficulty saying whatever comes into their mind whenever it comes into their mind and don't understand why sometimes that may not be the best thing to do.  And they go out of their way to be hurtful - they know just what buttons to push, what words to use to inflict maximum distress.  And then, later, when they are calm, sometimes we'll get an "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it." like that's going to make everything all better and all the hurt go away and all the feelings be unhurt.  I've always taught them that they don't have to accept an apology when it is given - they have to acknowledge it, but they don't have to accept it if they feel it is not sincere or if it is not sufficient to make amends.  And they love to say "apology not accepted" especially to each other. Heaven forbid that someone else should say it to them, though.   They get totally bent out of shape and then they get mad (again) and off we go!

So we didn't get angry with Aubrey when she smashed the screen on her phone (it was an accident and she was upset).  Nor did we go out and replace the screen or phone.  She had to live with it broken and make do. And we didn't get made when she forgot the phone was in her pocket and jumped into the swimming pool.  We just gave her a bin of rice and hoped for the best.  Unfortunately, the total submersion of the phone was too much for it and it completely died after its dunk.  But we still didn't rush out and get her a new phone.  Who decided that kids need phones, anyway?  I mean, we all lived without cell phones for ages, right?  And Ron and I held off on getting smartphones until I, I mean we, couldn't stand it anymore.  And Aubrey had to have a phone.  I admit, I agreed and wanted to get her a phone before she went to NYC for 10 days last year.  And she did pretty well taking care of it for a while, too.  Recently, she's been using mine when I let her....more than I really like, but what can I say?   I'm a pushover for my girl.  We did finally get Ron to agree to order her a replacement phone which should be here in a few days. Before we give it to her, we want to go over what we can limit on it.  Also, I need to remember to turn in all the BYOD forms for school.  That's Bring-Your-Own-Device for those of you who don't have kids in Florida public schools.  They've gotten big on BYOD - in fact, Devon's teacher wants the kids in her class to have them, too.  Not happening!  I'm thinking of adding insurance to this phone, though.  Wonder how much that costs?

I love it when the girls say "but it's only $70 (or however much it might be)".  Devon, being 7, thinks we can just go to the bank/ATM and put in our card and get money out.  There's nothing else involved - you have a card, you get money.  I wish!  I've tried explaining how it works to her but I think she is just stubbornly refusing to believe me.  She's certainly smart enough to understand.  After all, she (occasionally) works to earn a little extra money.  It's not so different for Ron and me.  Aubrey, on the other hand, just thinks that we should just keep shelling out to get her whatever she wants whenever she wants it with no thought whatsoever as to how it's going to be paid for - we'll pay for it.  And she definitely is old enough to understand how things work in life.  I'm not sure where she got this entitled attitude from, like we owe her and owe it to her to get her everything she wants or thinks she needs. I've tried to explain, at times, just how long I have to work, or Ron has to work, to pay for something that she just have to have that is really a want not a need. And I know that sometimes these hard decision we make don't seem to her like they were hard at all for us.  That we made the decisions lightly without consideration for her feelings, but that is never the case.  But she has somehow never grasped the concept that she is a child and I am an adult and I pay the bills for the house, the car, the food, the extras, and I get to decide what those things are.  Where we live, what groceries I buy, what the extras, if there are any, are going to be.  And there are plenty of these decisions that I agonize over because I know they girls are not going to be happy with the decision.... but I need to go with the big picture when making decisions, and not always what is going to make the girls happy for this fleeting moment.

And so, I go to work to get away from the stress of children who do not appreciate what they have (not gratitude, but appreciation and recognition).  So I do not want stress at work.  I do not want infantile tantrums.  I do not want snide comments.  I want an appreciation for what I do - and if I am not doing it to someones's satisfaction I want them to tell me in a calm, rational manner.  And I need the people around me to realize I work for a lot of people, and that each of those people has their own priorities and I need to juggle all of those.  And I need them to trust me to be able to determine my priorities in melding all of the wants and needs of everyone concerned.  It's like the kids in school say - I have 7 teachers giving me homework and each teacher thinks they're the only one and the most important one.  So, leave me alone and everything will get done by its deadline and everyone will be happy...at work at least.  And then I can get back to home being the only stress in my life.

So, Aubrey should be happy for a little while since she's getting another phone.  Her reptile business seems to be doing well and expanding.  She's part of a new dog-training 4H club that is getting started with some friends.  And even school seems to be doing okay - she doesn't have as much homework as we were expecting, which we're concerned about, but time will tell if this is truly the case.  Devon is Devon, mostly happy but with bouts of "I'm not talking to you"s mixed in. Spent the day with a friend and at dinnertime announced that she hates her.  Ah, to be seven! They'll be buddies again in a day or two.  Seems like there's always someone making her mad these days.  Fortunately, she's like me and doesn't stay mad long.  Half the time, she doesn't even remember being mad!

I guess that's a good way to be.  If you don't remember being made you can't hold a grudge, right?

Words, or the lack thereof, can hurt

If I died tomorrow, I would forever be the voice in my daughters' heads telling them all the things they did that weren't good enough or done right or had still to do.  That stops now.  I want to be the voice they hear in their heads telling them how well they've done, how proud I am, how much they are loved. And that is what I promised Aubrey tonight, as she lay crying in bed after telling me I never tell her I'm proud of her.  Not completely true, but close enough to hurt.

Is that how I was raised?  I don't recall my parents telling me they were proud of me that much....I went through life pretty much just knowing general expectations and either meeting them or not, but not hearing much either way. But Aubrey, and probably Devon, too, needs more.  Maybe I needed more, I don't know.  Aubrey knows the expectations, but she needs to hear when she meets them, when she exceeds them.  And I vow to do a better job telling her.  Not that I am going to try to do a better job - that I am going to do a better job.

Last year, Ron and I read a book called The Five Love Languages.  If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.  It talks about how each of us has a primary method (or "language") for feeling that we are loved, and it discusses the five languages and then gives you a little test to help you determine your primary and secondary love languages.  Anyhow, there is a version for kids that we read, because we have felt for a while that Aubrey doesn't really feel how much she is loved.  It's a different thing to know something intellectually than to feel it.  If the book could help us figure out her primary love language, we were all in favor of anything that would help us let her know how we feel about her.  I read it and was no closer to an answer.  And kids' love languages can change as they age, so that was no help.  Tonight, I finally know definitively that Aubrey's primary language is "words of affirmation". It's my second primary language, so I definitely understand the need.  But can you imagine how hard it must have been, and how much this must hurt, for her to tell me that I never tell her I'm proud of her and that I've seen positive changes in her behavior?  My heart broke.  What have I done to this child I love so much?

I promise to be better.   I need to tell her not just that I love her but that she does make me proud.  And not only for big things, but for the little things she does and is as well.  It's easy to brag about stuff to other people, why is it so hard to tell the person herself?  Aubrey is helping me become a better person. Isn't it the least I could do to reciprocate and to let her know that she is a good person and that I am proud of her, that she actually does lots of things right?

Why is it that we lavish praise on kids when they're little and just doing what comes naturally and then we stop when they get a little older and really need it?  Oh, what a great job, you took a step! You ate your food!  You played with a toy!  And then all of a sudden we stop praising them for every little thing...is it school age?  is it parenting magazines?  Just when they probably really start to need to hear it, when things are finally starting to be a little more challenging for them. Isn't this the time we should really be letting them know that we are so very proud of what they are doing?  When it's not the things that come naturally, it's everything else in life that they're learning and doing?

You know, we've always complained that she doesn't appreciate the things we do for her.  When I think about the examples in the book, I now can understand that we were doing things that we thought showed her how much we love her, but it wasn't a language she understood.  So we would get annoyed at what seemed like a lack of appreciation and felt like it was never enough, no matter what we did, when really, it wasn't enough - not for Aubrey.  It wasn't enough because the message wasn't coming though in a way she understood.  Yes, a lot of what we did she appreciated for what it was, but she didn't see that it was our way of telling her we were proud of her, that we loved her.  To her, it was just stuff we did for or with her.  She needs the words, to hear the actual words, to know how we feel, that she's important, that we are noticing the little changes and efforts she is making.  And we need to be doubly aware that withholding the words hurts her....it's not just not telling her these things, it's actually telling her the opposite message. When we don't tell her we notice what she is doing and pleased or proud, she takes that as we're not seeing her efforts and we're not proud of her.  Certainly never the message we intended!

So, starting tomorrow, I vow to let her know - in actual words - that I am proud of her for getting herself up and to school on time (Ron and I are already at work when she gets up in the morning for school). That I have noticed and am proud of her for changing her snack habits and not eating the entire snack bin in one fell swoop when she gets home from school.  That she's been wearing her bike helmet each day when riding to school.  For starting to care what she looks like when she goes out. For actually trying on clothes before we buy them so we know it fits and she has clothes she likes to wear. For practicing her haftorah and the blessings when I know from personal experience it's not fun and it feels like there's lots of time to learn it all!  That she loves animals so much and wants to rescue them all. That, much as it's a pain, I love that she can make coherent, logical arguments for what she wants after we've told her no to try to get us to change our decisions.  For so many things.

But mostly, for being Aubrey, whom I love more than life itself, and who is teaching me how to be a better person.  Whose presence in my life is a gift for which I am thankful daily, and who I am always proud to claim as my daughter.

Enough is Enough

Today should have been a good day.  I had a good, enjoyable meeting last night and got home to find that both girls were having sleepovers at friends' houses.  I figured that meant no arguing this morning, which is a bonus, and that I would actually be able to have breakfast before leaving the house. I rarely get to have breakfast at home because I get up too late and then have to hurry to get the girls ready and out the door. I thought, since I didn't have to do much for the girls I wuld just have me to get up and out.  Oh, well, I took too long and still didn't have time for breakfast before leaving the house - plus the girls were late at both houses so I was, yet again, late for work.  Only a couple of minutes, but I find it aggravating.  The girls don't get it.  To them, why is being late an issue?

Of course, they weren't happy girls when they got in the car, either.  So much for that theory!  They didn't argue with each other, they were just not happy - mostly Aubrey, I will admit.  Nevertheless, I was stunned when I got a call about an hour later telling me to come get them, there had been an incident at camp and they needed to leave.  I got a text from the person running the camp (horseback riding this week) that Devon can't even ever go back!  Plus, I really need to be more on top of them and get a nanny cam and watch their behavior because they lie and can't be trusted to behave and blah blah blah. How do I wind up with all these judgmental people in my life?   I don't think that I am a judgmental person, but I keep winding up with people in my life who like to tell me what I am doing wrong in my parenting.  Do they think I am unaware of some of the issues that the girls have?  Ron and I are well aware of both the wonderful things about the girls and all of their issues, and also what we do and need to do to deal with them.  I have decided I am done with people telling me how to parent my daughters - unless I ask them for advice or suggestions or I am paying them to tell me what to do.  All others, beware, you are not in my life anymore.  I've had enough.

I am looking for people who accept me as I am, faults and all.  And people who maybe don't believe that I am 100% to blame for Aubrey and Devon having some of the issues they have....and maybe recognize that we are trying to help them deal with these issues.  The girls needs that, too.  Who needs to be around people who are always watchful and critical?  Everyone is their own worst critic - we're all very hard on ourselves, so we don't need external voices chiming in when we've got these negative internal voices we're trying to drown out.

I think that is one of the reasons I like our synagogue so much.  The people there are so accepting of us all.  They're not trying to change us, they're looking at what our strengths are and trying to find ways we can use those to contribute to the synagogue community.  You know, Devon has ADHD. Not liking her ADHD behavior is not going to help her change that behavior.  Accepting the ways her ADHD manifests itself and working with that, now that helps Devon.  And I wonder about camp, because the behaviors she got in trouble for at camp are not ones we've had complaints about anywhere else - only with that group in that place.  So I figure there is something there that either brings out this unacceptable behavior or the tolerance for any behavior that deviates from what they are wanting is completely unacceptable.  I know we're going to have issues at school with Aubrey - she still has a lot of arguing in her and we've heard that middle schools in particular have a zero tolerance policy for that.

So the angry Aubrey and the phone calls from my crying daughters and the lecturing texts from their trainer set the tone for my day.  And I know it's that I let this all get to me, but I haven't come up with a way to stop it from getting me down.  I did have some good things happen - I had to write a d'var Torah (short teaching essay based on something from the Torah for lack of a better explanation) for the 2014-2015 Sisterhood calendar book and I really loved some of the readings from this week and the d'var Torahs I read about them.  I sat down and one just sort of flowed out, only took a few minutes and I was really pleased with how it came out.  I would never in a million years have thought that I would someday be writing or giving d'var Torahs.  I am really enjoying all the various opportunities for personal growth I've found lately.

Meanwhile, I need to find a way to enjoy my family and all its trials and tribulations.  I keep trying to find things we can all enjoy doing together, trying to create enough positive memories that the not so positive ones will lost all weight.  I am constantly telling the girls that we all need to learn to enjoy the journey, and then we will not be so miserable waiting to get to our destination...I'm really trying hard to find ways to focus on the here and now, the journey, and not always be looking to the future.  My mother always said she needed to have something to look forward to, she couldn't just enjoy the "now".  I don't want to be that way, and I don't want the girls to be that way, either.  I want them to appreciate what they're doing, who is in their lives, every day, and not just always be waiting for the next great thing (or person) to come along.

So, we'll miss the people we've gotten to know from riding at this particular barn and hopefully we'll be able to find another barn that we can afford lessons at.  But on the bright side, my invitation list for Aubrey's bat mitzvah just got shorter.

The Wisdom of the Ages

I had the most interesting conversation with Devon the other night.  I was putting her to bed and she asked me why some people believe Jesus is the son of God.  Nothing like a light conversation at bedtime, right?  I really do not know the answer to this, so I was forced to wing it.  If my answer offends anyone, my sincerest apologies.  We discussed how the Bible says God created people in His image, so some people might think that in that case God could be a father and have a son, like people do. I told her that some really wise rabbis thought that maybe it meant that we don't look like God (how could we when he is incorporeal?) but that being made in His image maybe meant we all could be like God by doing mitzvahs (good deeds, caring for others, helping people and the world and so on). If we do that, then we act in a manner that makes us God's helpers and maybe that means we are acting in His "image"..... She wanted to know if I was sitting on God when I sat on the floor (isn't he everywhere?)  We talked about how God has no body so no, I wouldn't be sitting on Him or walking on Him when I sit or walk.  We talked about how rabbis are really smart, and she paid me the lovely compliment of telling me that I'm really smart and I could be a rabbi.  I told her about our cousin, Marina, who just became a rabbi.  Her eyes got so big - she must be REALLY smart!  and somehow she started to realize that if Marina is her cousin, that makes her a real person AND a rabbi.  I told her that she was very smart, and she could be a rabbi if she wanted to be one. You could have read by the lightbulb that went on in her head.  It was such an interesting conversation to have with a seven year old and to see how her mind works.  We talked about how God's miracles and creations surround us daily and how most of the time we pay no attention to them.  Little things, like a beautiful day, or flowers blooming somewhere unexpected, kittens, or a phone call from someone you haven't spoken to in a while.  Like I said, not the normal bedtime conversation with a 7-year-old.

Devon and Aubrey are both my miracles, and daily reminders to me that things happen for a reason.  I want to believe that, but I would add the caveat that it's not all things that happen for a reason, just some things, and we may never know which things are which.  Who knows what stars aligned (or mis-aligned) to lead me to not getting married until almost 40, not being able to have kids of my own and adopting my two beautiful daughters?  I think about that, sometimes, and how I cannot imagine life without Aubrey and Devon - those two very specific people.  And the impact of our adopting them on the life of their birth mother and siblings - very different than what they expected, all because we wanted a more open adoption.  Now we have this convoluted extended family that few people understand but we really enjoy.  And Devon, well I frequently think back to her first month of life and how scary it was and how for such a long time we didn't know if she was going to live, how healthy she would be, what sort of brain function would she have....and she's so smart, so beautiful it's hard to remember just how sick she was.  Talk about a miracle.  Sometimes I wonder if naming her for my Great-Aunt Del had anything to do with her more than just survival.  She was an amazing woman, ahead of her time, and I think watched over and maybe called in favors for this sick little baby namesake.....but I will probably never know for sure.

Today started with miracle number one, Aubrey, with a family meeting at her summer school at 7:30. She's doing great in this program, and although she feels like she's not having a "summer" because we put her in this full day program, we see it having positive effects for her and she's not losing the progress she made this past year in her reading, etc.   I've been trying to make sure she gets to do fun stuff on the weekend and occasional evenings, so long as it doesn't run too late.  School is a half hour drive away and starts at 7:30, so she's got some early mornings these days.  She's been spending a lot of time at her best friend, Sierra's house, which she thoroughly enjoys - lots of animals for one thing. And she and Sierra are trying to setup their business - they breed geckos and lizards and sell the babies. I'm good with this so long as no reptiles ever come to my house.  And she's been working on getting the backyard ready to receive chickens, which may be this weekend.  She took me over to the friend's house where they currently live so I could "meet" them.  Unfortunately, it was raining at the time and boy were they bedraggled!  But she's sharing them with Devon, which is a good thing, although she will maintain real responsibility for their care and upkeep.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

The day ended with Devon.  It was family night at Second Harvest Food Bank, so we picked up Devon's twin, Isabella, and off we went for a couple hours of volunteering.  It was crazy hot in the warehouse tonight.  We were sorting donations by type from small, banana boxes into huge bins.  Lots of walking back and forth and schlepping.  Devon and Isabella went looking for the heaviest stuff they could find to sort - I think one bag of charcoal they moved weighed almost as much as they do!  They were so cute, and we go often enough that the people who run the volunteer program know them, joke around with them and even give them special assignments to do.  They love it, and it's so good to get them involved in a community service activity.

We always get dinner afterwards, since the volunteering program runs from 6-8 pm, but they didn't want the usual Taco Bell (how could they say no to Taco Bell?!) or McDonalds.  Isabella said she really wanted to go to Denny's, so off we went in search of a convenient Denny's to eat at.  There are not many left around here.  Anywhere we go, people get such a kick out of the two girls, and always comment on my "twins".  I don't usually bother explaining the relationship, and the girls love being referred to that way.  They are too cute together - and definitely act like siblings, too!  We haven't seen Isabella much recently, our schedules have been very different, so this was nice and felt like we were actually getting back to normal activities.....as if anything we do is normal!

Everyone is asleep in the house now.  Two girls in Aubrey's room (Devon has been sleeping in a nest on her floor the past few nights), two dogs in the living room (don't ask), Ron in our room and three cats...well, maybe not everyone is asleep.  The puppy is scared of cats, so it's funny when he goes to walk around a corner and all of a sudden you hear a growl and he comes running back as fast as he can.  He spends the day at a friend's house with kittens, and he likes them, not afraid of the tiny cats at all.  In fact, he wants to play with them and goes into play mode, butt up in the air, head and front paws low to the ground.....I really think dogs don't get it.  That particular position is not play to a cat, it's exactly the opposite of play.  Reminds me why I am a cat person; they're so much smarter than dogs AND lower maintenance to boot.

My personal excitement of the week is being back in a boot.  My left knee has been bothering me for a couple of months now but I refuse to have the ACL/miniscis repair surgery....they say the recovery is bad and I don't want to have the surgery and that's that.  For the past month or so, my left ankle has been achy, so I've been wearing, most days, one of my ankle braces.  It finally reached the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and was afraid that maybe I had re-torn my tendon - also surgery with a not fun recovery.   The good news is that it may only be a bad case of tendonitis and maybe wearing the boot for a while will let the tendon heal....and did I know I had flat feet and pronate?  Duh, only since I was a teenager.  People feel all sorry for me when they see the boot but I love it - my ankle feels so much better in it.  My knee, however, does not like it, and I cannot wear my knee brace at the same time as the boot.  Oh, well, there's always some bad to go with the good.  The other bad news about the boot is that it's higher than my sneaker, so now I need to get some other shoe to wear so that i am more even - and fast before I start to have problems with my right knee and ankle and hip and my back....Oy!  I'd say I'm too young to be falling apart, but Devon would tell you I'm old!

I went out with the "girls" from work the other night to a painting place and we all created our own versions of a Monet Water Lily scene.  I like mine, not love it, but I've never been a painter or artist of any sort, so I am impressed at how well it came out.  It's hanging on the wall over the stairs and Devon was showing it to Isabella yesterday - isn't it pretty good, especially for an old person?  I guess because old people can't paint?

Well, as the saying goes, out of the mouths of babes.....I'm falling apart, so I must be old, but at least I'm smart, too.

Tabula Rasa

I've been waiting for days to get some quiet time so I could blog, and now that I've got some, you guessed it, my mind is blank.  There have been so many things I wanted to write about over the past two weeks and - poof! - they are all gone when faced with the blank screen of the computer. Hmmmm.

Ron went to see his brother over the fourth of July weekend, which is great because they really don't see each other enough.  I took advantage of his being away to plan a fun girls weekend for the three of us staying here.  I know, what was I thinking?!  I wanted to take the girls to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium to see Winter the dolphin (did you see the movie Dolphin Tale?  It's a fictionalized version of her story.)

We've been talking about going for a while now, so I thought the excitement of the weekend, seeing Winter and going to the beach, would carry us through.  However, I spent the 2 hour drive there thinking, yes, I did it again!  Ron had said after our last outing that he wasn't going anywhere with the girls for a long time, which is part of the reason I chose that weekend to go - no Ron.  All the drive there did, however, was reinforce how right he was!  Luckily, once we got to the beach (don't ask, it took almost an hour to get there from our hotel on Saturday and about 15 minutes on Sunday), they were great.  And they stayed great pretty much for the rest of the time we were in Clearwater.  We all loved the Aquarium and are looking forward to (someday) going back.  I got annual passes though Groupon, so we can not only go back there but get a break on some other places as well.  Woo hoo!

The west coast beaches are so different from the east coast beaches.  Beautiful, soft sand, the water was just shy of being too warm but really felt lovely and was almost completely refreshing.  Devon brought home a bagful of pretty shells we collected.  Aubrey looked for shells but threw them all back. Yea!  We celebrated our fun day by all getting hair wraps.  I really wanted one and figured I had to get them for the girls, too.

They loved it, though, and were really appreciative.    The big treat on Sunday was feeding the no-sting stingrays (they had their barbs removed, poor babies) and being the center of attention as the helpers at several presentations throughout the Aquarium.  We all also really enjoyed the boat ride from the "Dolphin Tale Adventure" downtown back to the Aquarium.  Next time, I would consider taking the boat both ways, although there is a 2 block (up hill) walk from the dock to the Adventure.  Really interesting place, though, and I splurged and bought a lot of the pictures they took.  It's a good cause, right? supporting the Aquarium.  The girls volunteered every time the staff at the Aquarium asked, so they got a couple of prizes and just really had a great time.  The big disappointment, of course, is that they didn't get to actually swim with a dolphin.  Let me save a while longer before we go there, please!

They said "face painting"

but they meant "arm painting"

 Aubrey's been doing really well at her summer school program, and we're almost not minding getting up at 6 to get her there.  I can't believe we would actually consider sending her there during the school year.  Remind me later on in life to throw this back at her to make sure she waits on me hand and foot in my old age.  Ron and I take turns driving her the half hour to get there by 7:30 so one of us gets to work early each day, which is actually nice.  Devon has been alternating going to a friend's house (the one with all the kittens) and horseback riding camp.  She actually has her first show this weekend. She's riding "slow Randy" and says she won't get any ribbons or anything because he doesn't listen and won't turn when you tell him to.  If that's the case, I can't imagine why he would be the horse they take to the show, but what do I know?  And Devon is my source of information for this, so who knows what reality is.  The really bad news is that the horse show is in Ocala, which is over an hour away and she has to be there no later than 7 am.  Why is nothing close by and at a decent hour?  I need my beauty sleep!  And I can't really sleep in on Sunday, as Aubrey has her first bat mitzvah lesson with the Rabbi Sunday morning.  We've actually listened to a few minutes of her haftorah in the car already so she can start to learn the melody but the Rabbi is chanting it so slowly that it puts me to sleep! Hopefully the pace will pick up once she starts learning the words and melody, or we'll have a bunch of sleeping people at the synagogue that morning!  (Not that this would be a first - we have a cousin who slept - and snored - through one of my brothers' bar mitzvahs.)

Meanwhile, work has been crazy busy.  Why do people think the summer is slow?  I have just as much work now as in the other seasons....plus my co-workers take time off so we all have to pitch in to help out and get that much more work.  I'm not complaining, just wondering.....maybe it's the brokers who have less work and they're projecting.

Did I ever tell you about the meeting Ron and I went to to learn about second grade?  It's the night my ACL finally ripped through and down I went!  The principal kindly brought me the wheelchair from the clinic so I could get to the program.  The biggest change from first to second grade is the emphasis on the BYOD program.  That's "Bring Your Own Device", and they are encouraging the kids to come to school with their own tablet or smart phone.  Excuse me, but we are talking about second grade, right? Devon is dying to get a phone, Aubrey says there's no way Devon can have one at 7 since she (Aubrey) didn't get one until she was 11, and it's a non-issue for Ron and I - there is no way we are buying a device for Devon to bring to school for the second grade.  Apparently Florida is moving into the 21st century and moving away from the dreaded FCATs and into using the "Common Core" standards.....that's great except that Common Core states that you stop teaching handwriting after the first grade.  Wonderful, we're going to be raising a nation of people who write like first graders. Forget cursive (what's that?)  People are going to be barely able to print properly!  Who creates these standards, anyhow? Possibly the same group of people who determine the nutritional value of school lunches (chicken nuggets and tater tots, anyone?)  Devon always liked when I joined her for lunch because I could buy the teacher's lunch which she would steal from me.  We are talking about the child who orders salad at McDonald's and Wendy's.....

Anyhow, last night we had chicken for dinner.  The girls usually love the chicken we were having but for some reason, Devon decided she doesn't like chicken anymore and refused to even eat one bite of it.  Aubrey ate the chicken, but not happily, as it is exactly what she had for lunch at school.  Sorry, sweetie!  Devon and I met up with Aubrey and Ron after the work/camp/school day was done today - what's for dinner, Mom?  Fish tonight.  Devon doesn't eat fish (except for crab legs and Gorton's fish fillets), so it's no biggie that she says no to fish for dinner.  Aubrey likes fish, though, but guess what they had for lunch today?  Right, fish!  We went out for pizza instead.  She said they're having burgers tomorrow so we'll cook up the fish tomorrow night.  Of course, now that the girls are getting chickens we may have to eat chicken a little less.  I love to tease Aubrey that we're going to eat her chickens, but I would never do that!  Just like I'd never eat a pet fish.  There's no way I would clean it - yuck!

So, Aubrey's geckos and lizards live at her friend's house, we're not keeping the stray puppy we found

and we're still telling Devon no, she can't keep the tiny kitten she's in love with, but chickens? Somehow they've managed to break though the wall of Ron's resistance and they're on their way!  Watch for the next installment when I let you know if they've really arrived or not. I'm sort of hoping not, I'd rather have the kitten, but Aubrey has convinced Ron she will take total responsibility for the poultry coming our way.

And, when I think about more animals coming our way my mind goes blank.  And I think I'll leave it like that for now.