Enough is Enough

Today should have been a good day.  I had a good, enjoyable meeting last night and got home to find that both girls were having sleepovers at friends' houses.  I figured that meant no arguing this morning, which is a bonus, and that I would actually be able to have breakfast before leaving the house. I rarely get to have breakfast at home because I get up too late and then have to hurry to get the girls ready and out the door. I thought, since I didn't have to do much for the girls I wuld just have me to get up and out.  Oh, well, I took too long and still didn't have time for breakfast before leaving the house - plus the girls were late at both houses so I was, yet again, late for work.  Only a couple of minutes, but I find it aggravating.  The girls don't get it.  To them, why is being late an issue?

Of course, they weren't happy girls when they got in the car, either.  So much for that theory!  They didn't argue with each other, they were just not happy - mostly Aubrey, I will admit.  Nevertheless, I was stunned when I got a call about an hour later telling me to come get them, there had been an incident at camp and they needed to leave.  I got a text from the person running the camp (horseback riding this week) that Devon can't even ever go back!  Plus, I really need to be more on top of them and get a nanny cam and watch their behavior because they lie and can't be trusted to behave and blah blah blah. How do I wind up with all these judgmental people in my life?   I don't think that I am a judgmental person, but I keep winding up with people in my life who like to tell me what I am doing wrong in my parenting.  Do they think I am unaware of some of the issues that the girls have?  Ron and I are well aware of both the wonderful things about the girls and all of their issues, and also what we do and need to do to deal with them.  I have decided I am done with people telling me how to parent my daughters - unless I ask them for advice or suggestions or I am paying them to tell me what to do.  All others, beware, you are not in my life anymore.  I've had enough.

I am looking for people who accept me as I am, faults and all.  And people who maybe don't believe that I am 100% to blame for Aubrey and Devon having some of the issues they have....and maybe recognize that we are trying to help them deal with these issues.  The girls needs that, too.  Who needs to be around people who are always watchful and critical?  Everyone is their own worst critic - we're all very hard on ourselves, so we don't need external voices chiming in when we've got these negative internal voices we're trying to drown out.

I think that is one of the reasons I like our synagogue so much.  The people there are so accepting of us all.  They're not trying to change us, they're looking at what our strengths are and trying to find ways we can use those to contribute to the synagogue community.  You know, Devon has ADHD. Not liking her ADHD behavior is not going to help her change that behavior.  Accepting the ways her ADHD manifests itself and working with that, now that helps Devon.  And I wonder about camp, because the behaviors she got in trouble for at camp are not ones we've had complaints about anywhere else - only with that group in that place.  So I figure there is something there that either brings out this unacceptable behavior or the tolerance for any behavior that deviates from what they are wanting is completely unacceptable.  I know we're going to have issues at school with Aubrey - she still has a lot of arguing in her and we've heard that middle schools in particular have a zero tolerance policy for that.

So the angry Aubrey and the phone calls from my crying daughters and the lecturing texts from their trainer set the tone for my day.  And I know it's that I let this all get to me, but I haven't come up with a way to stop it from getting me down.  I did have some good things happen - I had to write a d'var Torah (short teaching essay based on something from the Torah for lack of a better explanation) for the 2014-2015 Sisterhood calendar book and I really loved some of the readings from this week and the d'var Torahs I read about them.  I sat down and one just sort of flowed out, only took a few minutes and I was really pleased with how it came out.  I would never in a million years have thought that I would someday be writing or giving d'var Torahs.  I am really enjoying all the various opportunities for personal growth I've found lately.

Meanwhile, I need to find a way to enjoy my family and all its trials and tribulations.  I keep trying to find things we can all enjoy doing together, trying to create enough positive memories that the not so positive ones will lost all weight.  I am constantly telling the girls that we all need to learn to enjoy the journey, and then we will not be so miserable waiting to get to our destination...I'm really trying hard to find ways to focus on the here and now, the journey, and not always be looking to the future.  My mother always said she needed to have something to look forward to, she couldn't just enjoy the "now".  I don't want to be that way, and I don't want the girls to be that way, either.  I want them to appreciate what they're doing, who is in their lives, every day, and not just always be waiting for the next great thing (or person) to come along.

So, we'll miss the people we've gotten to know from riding at this particular barn and hopefully we'll be able to find another barn that we can afford lessons at.  But on the bright side, my invitation list for Aubrey's bat mitzvah just got shorter.

The Wisdom of the Ages

I had the most interesting conversation with Devon the other night.  I was putting her to bed and she asked me why some people believe Jesus is the son of God.  Nothing like a light conversation at bedtime, right?  I really do not know the answer to this, so I was forced to wing it.  If my answer offends anyone, my sincerest apologies.  We discussed how the Bible says God created people in His image, so some people might think that in that case God could be a father and have a son, like people do. I told her that some really wise rabbis thought that maybe it meant that we don't look like God (how could we when he is incorporeal?) but that being made in His image maybe meant we all could be like God by doing mitzvahs (good deeds, caring for others, helping people and the world and so on). If we do that, then we act in a manner that makes us God's helpers and maybe that means we are acting in His "image"..... She wanted to know if I was sitting on God when I sat on the floor (isn't he everywhere?)  We talked about how God has no body so no, I wouldn't be sitting on Him or walking on Him when I sit or walk.  We talked about how rabbis are really smart, and she paid me the lovely compliment of telling me that I'm really smart and I could be a rabbi.  I told her about our cousin, Marina, who just became a rabbi.  Her eyes got so big - she must be REALLY smart!  and somehow she started to realize that if Marina is her cousin, that makes her a real person AND a rabbi.  I told her that she was very smart, and she could be a rabbi if she wanted to be one. You could have read by the lightbulb that went on in her head.  It was such an interesting conversation to have with a seven year old and to see how her mind works.  We talked about how God's miracles and creations surround us daily and how most of the time we pay no attention to them.  Little things, like a beautiful day, or flowers blooming somewhere unexpected, kittens, or a phone call from someone you haven't spoken to in a while.  Like I said, not the normal bedtime conversation with a 7-year-old.

Devon and Aubrey are both my miracles, and daily reminders to me that things happen for a reason.  I want to believe that, but I would add the caveat that it's not all things that happen for a reason, just some things, and we may never know which things are which.  Who knows what stars aligned (or mis-aligned) to lead me to not getting married until almost 40, not being able to have kids of my own and adopting my two beautiful daughters?  I think about that, sometimes, and how I cannot imagine life without Aubrey and Devon - those two very specific people.  And the impact of our adopting them on the life of their birth mother and siblings - very different than what they expected, all because we wanted a more open adoption.  Now we have this convoluted extended family that few people understand but we really enjoy.  And Devon, well I frequently think back to her first month of life and how scary it was and how for such a long time we didn't know if she was going to live, how healthy she would be, what sort of brain function would she have....and she's so smart, so beautiful it's hard to remember just how sick she was.  Talk about a miracle.  Sometimes I wonder if naming her for my Great-Aunt Del had anything to do with her more than just survival.  She was an amazing woman, ahead of her time, and I think watched over and maybe called in favors for this sick little baby namesake.....but I will probably never know for sure.

Today started with miracle number one, Aubrey, with a family meeting at her summer school at 7:30. She's doing great in this program, and although she feels like she's not having a "summer" because we put her in this full day program, we see it having positive effects for her and she's not losing the progress she made this past year in her reading, etc.   I've been trying to make sure she gets to do fun stuff on the weekend and occasional evenings, so long as it doesn't run too late.  School is a half hour drive away and starts at 7:30, so she's got some early mornings these days.  She's been spending a lot of time at her best friend, Sierra's house, which she thoroughly enjoys - lots of animals for one thing. And she and Sierra are trying to setup their business - they breed geckos and lizards and sell the babies. I'm good with this so long as no reptiles ever come to my house.  And she's been working on getting the backyard ready to receive chickens, which may be this weekend.  She took me over to the friend's house where they currently live so I could "meet" them.  Unfortunately, it was raining at the time and boy were they bedraggled!  But she's sharing them with Devon, which is a good thing, although she will maintain real responsibility for their care and upkeep.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

The day ended with Devon.  It was family night at Second Harvest Food Bank, so we picked up Devon's twin, Isabella, and off we went for a couple hours of volunteering.  It was crazy hot in the warehouse tonight.  We were sorting donations by type from small, banana boxes into huge bins.  Lots of walking back and forth and schlepping.  Devon and Isabella went looking for the heaviest stuff they could find to sort - I think one bag of charcoal they moved weighed almost as much as they do!  They were so cute, and we go often enough that the people who run the volunteer program know them, joke around with them and even give them special assignments to do.  They love it, and it's so good to get them involved in a community service activity.

We always get dinner afterwards, since the volunteering program runs from 6-8 pm, but they didn't want the usual Taco Bell (how could they say no to Taco Bell?!) or McDonalds.  Isabella said she really wanted to go to Denny's, so off we went in search of a convenient Denny's to eat at.  There are not many left around here.  Anywhere we go, people get such a kick out of the two girls, and always comment on my "twins".  I don't usually bother explaining the relationship, and the girls love being referred to that way.  They are too cute together - and definitely act like siblings, too!  We haven't seen Isabella much recently, our schedules have been very different, so this was nice and felt like we were actually getting back to normal activities.....as if anything we do is normal!

Everyone is asleep in the house now.  Two girls in Aubrey's room (Devon has been sleeping in a nest on her floor the past few nights), two dogs in the living room (don't ask), Ron in our room and three cats...well, maybe not everyone is asleep.  The puppy is scared of cats, so it's funny when he goes to walk around a corner and all of a sudden you hear a growl and he comes running back as fast as he can.  He spends the day at a friend's house with kittens, and he likes them, not afraid of the tiny cats at all.  In fact, he wants to play with them and goes into play mode, butt up in the air, head and front paws low to the ground.....I really think dogs don't get it.  That particular position is not play to a cat, it's exactly the opposite of play.  Reminds me why I am a cat person; they're so much smarter than dogs AND lower maintenance to boot.

My personal excitement of the week is being back in a boot.  My left knee has been bothering me for a couple of months now but I refuse to have the ACL/miniscis repair surgery....they say the recovery is bad and I don't want to have the surgery and that's that.  For the past month or so, my left ankle has been achy, so I've been wearing, most days, one of my ankle braces.  It finally reached the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and was afraid that maybe I had re-torn my tendon - also surgery with a not fun recovery.   The good news is that it may only be a bad case of tendonitis and maybe wearing the boot for a while will let the tendon heal....and did I know I had flat feet and pronate?  Duh, only since I was a teenager.  People feel all sorry for me when they see the boot but I love it - my ankle feels so much better in it.  My knee, however, does not like it, and I cannot wear my knee brace at the same time as the boot.  Oh, well, there's always some bad to go with the good.  The other bad news about the boot is that it's higher than my sneaker, so now I need to get some other shoe to wear so that i am more even - and fast before I start to have problems with my right knee and ankle and hip and my back....Oy!  I'd say I'm too young to be falling apart, but Devon would tell you I'm old!

I went out with the "girls" from work the other night to a painting place and we all created our own versions of a Monet Water Lily scene.  I like mine, not love it, but I've never been a painter or artist of any sort, so I am impressed at how well it came out.  It's hanging on the wall over the stairs and Devon was showing it to Isabella yesterday - isn't it pretty good, especially for an old person?  I guess because old people can't paint?

Well, as the saying goes, out of the mouths of babes.....I'm falling apart, so I must be old, but at least I'm smart, too.

Tabula Rasa

I've been waiting for days to get some quiet time so I could blog, and now that I've got some, you guessed it, my mind is blank.  There have been so many things I wanted to write about over the past two weeks and - poof! - they are all gone when faced with the blank screen of the computer. Hmmmm.

Ron went to see his brother over the fourth of July weekend, which is great because they really don't see each other enough.  I took advantage of his being away to plan a fun girls weekend for the three of us staying here.  I know, what was I thinking?!  I wanted to take the girls to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium to see Winter the dolphin (did you see the movie Dolphin Tale?  It's a fictionalized version of her story.)

We've been talking about going for a while now, so I thought the excitement of the weekend, seeing Winter and going to the beach, would carry us through.  However, I spent the 2 hour drive there thinking, yes, I did it again!  Ron had said after our last outing that he wasn't going anywhere with the girls for a long time, which is part of the reason I chose that weekend to go - no Ron.  All the drive there did, however, was reinforce how right he was!  Luckily, once we got to the beach (don't ask, it took almost an hour to get there from our hotel on Saturday and about 15 minutes on Sunday), they were great.  And they stayed great pretty much for the rest of the time we were in Clearwater.  We all loved the Aquarium and are looking forward to (someday) going back.  I got annual passes though Groupon, so we can not only go back there but get a break on some other places as well.  Woo hoo!

The west coast beaches are so different from the east coast beaches.  Beautiful, soft sand, the water was just shy of being too warm but really felt lovely and was almost completely refreshing.  Devon brought home a bagful of pretty shells we collected.  Aubrey looked for shells but threw them all back. Yea!  We celebrated our fun day by all getting hair wraps.  I really wanted one and figured I had to get them for the girls, too.

They loved it, though, and were really appreciative.    The big treat on Sunday was feeding the no-sting stingrays (they had their barbs removed, poor babies) and being the center of attention as the helpers at several presentations throughout the Aquarium.  We all also really enjoyed the boat ride from the "Dolphin Tale Adventure" downtown back to the Aquarium.  Next time, I would consider taking the boat both ways, although there is a 2 block (up hill) walk from the dock to the Adventure.  Really interesting place, though, and I splurged and bought a lot of the pictures they took.  It's a good cause, right? supporting the Aquarium.  The girls volunteered every time the staff at the Aquarium asked, so they got a couple of prizes and just really had a great time.  The big disappointment, of course, is that they didn't get to actually swim with a dolphin.  Let me save a while longer before we go there, please!

They said "face painting"

but they meant "arm painting"

 Aubrey's been doing really well at her summer school program, and we're almost not minding getting up at 6 to get her there.  I can't believe we would actually consider sending her there during the school year.  Remind me later on in life to throw this back at her to make sure she waits on me hand and foot in my old age.  Ron and I take turns driving her the half hour to get there by 7:30 so one of us gets to work early each day, which is actually nice.  Devon has been alternating going to a friend's house (the one with all the kittens) and horseback riding camp.  She actually has her first show this weekend. She's riding "slow Randy" and says she won't get any ribbons or anything because he doesn't listen and won't turn when you tell him to.  If that's the case, I can't imagine why he would be the horse they take to the show, but what do I know?  And Devon is my source of information for this, so who knows what reality is.  The really bad news is that the horse show is in Ocala, which is over an hour away and she has to be there no later than 7 am.  Why is nothing close by and at a decent hour?  I need my beauty sleep!  And I can't really sleep in on Sunday, as Aubrey has her first bat mitzvah lesson with the Rabbi Sunday morning.  We've actually listened to a few minutes of her haftorah in the car already so she can start to learn the melody but the Rabbi is chanting it so slowly that it puts me to sleep! Hopefully the pace will pick up once she starts learning the words and melody, or we'll have a bunch of sleeping people at the synagogue that morning!  (Not that this would be a first - we have a cousin who slept - and snored - through one of my brothers' bar mitzvahs.)

Meanwhile, work has been crazy busy.  Why do people think the summer is slow?  I have just as much work now as in the other seasons....plus my co-workers take time off so we all have to pitch in to help out and get that much more work.  I'm not complaining, just wondering.....maybe it's the brokers who have less work and they're projecting.

Did I ever tell you about the meeting Ron and I went to to learn about second grade?  It's the night my ACL finally ripped through and down I went!  The principal kindly brought me the wheelchair from the clinic so I could get to the program.  The biggest change from first to second grade is the emphasis on the BYOD program.  That's "Bring Your Own Device", and they are encouraging the kids to come to school with their own tablet or smart phone.  Excuse me, but we are talking about second grade, right? Devon is dying to get a phone, Aubrey says there's no way Devon can have one at 7 since she (Aubrey) didn't get one until she was 11, and it's a non-issue for Ron and I - there is no way we are buying a device for Devon to bring to school for the second grade.  Apparently Florida is moving into the 21st century and moving away from the dreaded FCATs and into using the "Common Core" standards.....that's great except that Common Core states that you stop teaching handwriting after the first grade.  Wonderful, we're going to be raising a nation of people who write like first graders. Forget cursive (what's that?)  People are going to be barely able to print properly!  Who creates these standards, anyhow? Possibly the same group of people who determine the nutritional value of school lunches (chicken nuggets and tater tots, anyone?)  Devon always liked when I joined her for lunch because I could buy the teacher's lunch which she would steal from me.  We are talking about the child who orders salad at McDonald's and Wendy's.....

Anyhow, last night we had chicken for dinner.  The girls usually love the chicken we were having but for some reason, Devon decided she doesn't like chicken anymore and refused to even eat one bite of it.  Aubrey ate the chicken, but not happily, as it is exactly what she had for lunch at school.  Sorry, sweetie!  Devon and I met up with Aubrey and Ron after the work/camp/school day was done today - what's for dinner, Mom?  Fish tonight.  Devon doesn't eat fish (except for crab legs and Gorton's fish fillets), so it's no biggie that she says no to fish for dinner.  Aubrey likes fish, though, but guess what they had for lunch today?  Right, fish!  We went out for pizza instead.  She said they're having burgers tomorrow so we'll cook up the fish tomorrow night.  Of course, now that the girls are getting chickens we may have to eat chicken a little less.  I love to tease Aubrey that we're going to eat her chickens, but I would never do that!  Just like I'd never eat a pet fish.  There's no way I would clean it - yuck!

So, Aubrey's geckos and lizards live at her friend's house, we're not keeping the stray puppy we found

and we're still telling Devon no, she can't keep the tiny kitten she's in love with, but chickens? Somehow they've managed to break though the wall of Ron's resistance and they're on their way!  Watch for the next installment when I let you know if they've really arrived or not. I'm sort of hoping not, I'd rather have the kitten, but Aubrey has convinced Ron she will take total responsibility for the poultry coming our way.

And, when I think about more animals coming our way my mind goes blank.  And I think I'll leave it like that for now.