Busy busy

So, it's been a few weeks and I'm back on my meds and feeling MUCH better now.  I still have some of those feelings and resentments, but I can handle them better and I'm not always feeling so angry. Life is good.

It's quiet tonight.  Aubrey has a friend sleeping over but they're out walking around the neighborhood. Devon, after two nights of her "twin" sleeping here, is spending the night at her twin's house.  Aubrey will like that - no little sister pestering her and her friend.

Wednesday Aubrey goes to spend a few days with her birth-mother, Roze, and one of her brothers (Aubrey's, not Roze's).  She is really excited.  My main concern is who is going to take care of Aubrey's menagerie.  The dog and cats I have covered, but not the chickens and the geckos and chameleon.  I actually like the chameleon, but I think it's a bit more work to take care of then her geckos...she's trying to talk Devon into doing it.  We'll see -- and even if she does, Devon's only 8, it'll still be me and Ron doing the bulk of it, I'm sure.  Yuck.

It'll be good for Aubrey to get away for a few days.  I'm thrilled she's going to get to spend a decent amount of time with her brother, Danny.  She's always loved seeing him and wants to have a closer relationship with him.  Hopefully, the time they have together will have smooth sailing with no hiccups.  She's had a tough time lately and has started having anxiety attacks - no fun for anyone! Plus she doesn't usually believe us when we tell her it's an anxiety attack she's having.  She hasn't felt well for more than a day at a time for a few weeks now, and the doctors feel it's primarily anxiety causing it.  She has had a lot of stressful things happen recently, and now we need to find a way to help her acknowledge and deal with stress - no way you can live a life without stress at various points!

That's something that I struggle with as well....lots of stressors and how do I cope with them?  I've really been trying to be more aware of my tone of voice with the girls and my reactions to their behavior, both good and bad :)  Aside from me being the world's meanest mom, who Devon hates every other day or so, I really think I've been doing pretty well.  And Devon is figuring things out, too.  Her nature has always been to test the limits, and I doubt that will ever change.  Her struggle is figuring out when to stop before she hits a consequence that is beyond the price she's willing to pay.  If you've ever seen the movie Jurassic Park, you'll understand what I mean when I say that Devon is a velociraptor.  I haven't figured out what kind of dinosaur Aubrey is yet.  Which one is the most social?

The last few weeks have been really busy, both at work and at home.  It's so rare to have quiet time to just sit and relax and not have a million things to do or the girls pulling at me.  I do have stuff to do, but it's not anything I can be doing now so I don't have to feel like there are things I should be doing instead of finally getting a chance to relax and write my blog.....almost sounds like I'm rationalizing, doesn't it?  There are things I need to organize and calls to make, but it's too late on a Saturday night to be able to do any of them - yea!!!

Honestly, the hardest thing about the past few weeks has been to resist all the junk food and candy I've received as gifts!  I did break down tonight and eat some Harry & David caramel corn - I just love it!  But the rest I'm trying to give away - nobody in this house really needs it, and we've all been snacking way too much.  I've worked too hard, and sacrificed too much, to undo it for a piece (or two or four) of candy - and I want the rest of my family to be right there with me being healthier in the future.  After all, Devon is the only one of us who couldn't stand to lose some weight...and she's the one who is most watchful of what everyone is eating - and she's my special gatekeeper, always asking if I can have something, is it allowed?  Everyone needs a little help, right?  I'm very grateful for the support of my friends and family - and a big Bronx cheer to everyone who gave me candy and cookies etc for the holidays!!!

Reflections

I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror.  And when it's the mirror my daughters hold up to me I positively hate it.  Positively.  Now that's an ironic choice of words considering that everything seems to be so negative around me these days.  My daughters certainly see it and worse yet feel it. Aubrey told me she misses her mommy and wants her back.

And I feel helpless to change it - although I promised I'll talk to my doctor about seeing if there's a medication or something I can take that will make me less hateful.  And that's how I feel .... hateful ... Full of hate.  And anger.  And resentment, partly at feeling that way.

I hate the way we live.  That our house is cluttered and messy and not just a little, but overwhelmingly so. I hate that I hold onto things and have trouble letting go.  I hate that I drive a beat up minivan that I can't afford to get stupid annoyances fixed on.  And Ron's car is even worse - I didn't like the car when it was new and pristine and now that it's old and broken in weird ways it's even worse.  I hate that I'm not excited to get up and go to work in the morning (I know, most people feel that way.). I've never found that passion that could be translated into a viable career and so I go to work to pay bills but I hate that it is not fulfilling in so many ways.  I hate that I don't know how to make small talk, and put work first and don't make friends easily.  I hate feeling like I'm out of the loop and don't know what's going on. I hate feeling like I'm being used or taken advantage of and getting blindsided.  I hate that I let my fears rule me and stop me from doing things that I want to do.  I hate that I am not the person I want to be and I hate that I'm too damn fearful and lazy for lack of a better word to do anything about changing that.

Hateful.....it's exactly the right word for how I'm feelng these days.  And the thing I hate the most is the effect it's having on my daughters, the two people I love most in the world.  They complain that I'm mean.  I am mean these days, too.  I hate that they don't listen or follow the few rules we have in the house.  It makes me see red and I become this possessed crazed banshee that I don't even recognize.  The Tasmanian Devil gets loose and all hell breaks out and continues until I crash and then the crazed fog clears and I see what I've done and I hate it!  HATE HATE HATE

And I'm so resentful these days, too.  I guess the two go hand in hand.  It's not like I feel anybody owes me anything, but I resent so many things so much.  Even when it's things that happened because of choices I made.  Like why does it have to always be me that decides what we have for dinner? Makes the dinner?  Does the grocery shopping?  Clears the table so we can eat on it (yes, I know, a lot of the pile on the table was my creation because I have difficulty throwing things away, but not all of it is mine!)  Why do I have to stay until 5 at work everyday - to the minute - when co-workers cut out a few minutes early here and there and no one says a word. Or barring that, it would be nice to even occasionally not be the one who stays until 5, epecially on Fridays.  I got the late shift being the new person, but always assumed that when someone else was hired there would be the possibiity of changing hours - not the way it happened (I know, it's that word "assume"). ...Why is it that gift cards and money received for birthday gifts for anyone but me gets to be spent on fun stuff but my gifts are expected to be used for "useful" things, things we need, not something just for me.

I hate the feeling that I have no control over my life.  That I have to just keep doing what I'm doing so that the bills get paid and food gets bought and I keep my job because it enables the bills to get paid and the food to get bought.  I hate that I feel stuck.  That I have no options.   That I am and always will be the odd man out, low man on the totem pole and just get what no one else wants.   I hate having lots of bosses, people who have more control over my life than I do, who, when push comes to shove, actually have control over whether I keep my job, my home, my family even, or not.  Even when I volunteer somewhere I have bosses.  And believe me, some bosses are a lot better than others! (I actually have an awesome boss at work right now - he's one of the best things about my current job.)

How did I create these expectations and how do I change them without being "mean"?  How do I stop resenting so much of how I am living my life, wasting my life?  I would love to take a sabbatical. Not just from work but from everything.  Go to a spa or a retreat or someplace where I could figure out how to fix my life.  I'd love to go to a language immersion program and come out fluent in another language.  Audit classes just because they sound interesting - but not have to do any homework,  I've done enough homework, thank you!  Do a volunteer trip somewhere.  Something out of my routine and different enough to shake things up and point me in the direction I need to be moving.

But it all comes down to choices.  How far back do you have to look to figure out how you wound up where you are today?  Although looking back doesn't get you anywhere.  It's looking forward that keeps you moving ahead.  I need to figure out what I can change today to get me to where I want to be tomorrow, and the next day, and next week and next year.  I have a lot of thinking to do.

Where are the young women?

me in St Louis for a recent work trip

I'm in that weird age between young and old.  I have children the same age as women decades younger than me, and I have peers my own age who have grandchildren, some older than my children!  I straddle two different worlds.  Other worlds get straddled, too.  I work full time outside of the home while many women my age are starting to look towards stopping working.  I joke that I'll never retire, my younger daughter graduates high school when I turn 65 - and instead of of planning my retirement, I'm looking at college tuition (times two).  And it makes me crazy when my daughters' friends think I'm their grandmother -- do I look that old?!)

When I was a young woman, particularly before I had kids, I thought that Sisterhood* was a bunch of old women who sat around planning stuff for old women.  I still think of myself as a (relatively) young woman, probably largely because I have young(ish) children, but I now look at Sisterhood differently.  Those of you in your twenties and thirties truly are young woman.  And I think you'd be surprised at how much we have in common - paticularly those of you who are mothers.

When I looked at what I wanted from my synagogue, first I didn't even consider getting involved with Sisterhood.  After all, I have young children, why would I want to get involved in an organization of old women? Plus, no matter what my actual age is, I still think of myself as a young woman, one with young kids.   I bcame involved in the religious school and social activities for the youth at the synagogue. While rewarding, though, something was missing.  Helping to plan activities for the kids was fun, but there had to be more.  Almost by accident, I attended a Sisterhood event.  I didn't go because it was Sisterhood, I went because the program appealed to me. Isn't that really why you should go to any event, because it looks interesting?  And yes, many of the women there were older women....but the program could easily have included young women - and it should have.  The topic was timely, the snacks were delicious, the conversation lively and interesting.  So why didn't it?
Why do young women still see Sisterhood as a group of old women?  Even when they come to a program, it is not with the intent of continuing an association with the group - it's almost a "one off"...as if Sisterhood's having an interesting program was a fluke.  What would entice these young women to actually join Sisterhood, to become leaders?

at Feeding Children Everywhere

Do we need to do more family programming, things that would include childen?  What are the interests of these women, not all of whom are mothers, or married, some of whom work outside the home, some of whom don't?  No one program will appeal to everyone, but what should we be adding to what we currently do to appeal and make this missing group notice Sisterhood and want to get involved?

at Second Harvest - we sorted a LOT of potatoes!

One of the reasons I am so involved is to be a role model for my children.  I want them to see me involved and actively participating in the community, in as organization that helps people.  I want them to see the rewards of involvement and commitment - the internal rewards, gratification for doing something that is for others, not myself.  I don't even mind if they see the selfish rewards, how good I feel for participating in something bigger than just myself and my family.  I want to get them involved when I can so that they can start to feel the rewards that come from being part of the community and contributing to something bigger than themselves and our family.  Do they get it yet? Maybe.

the girls learn helping can be fun

So, back to Sisterhood and young women.  Despite the fact that I was almost the youngest person at that first program by many (and I mean many) years, I was hooked.  Maybe I'm too old to connect with the young women and figure out what they would want from Sisterhood.  Like I said, I feel young, but I know intellectually I'm not. On the other hand, maybe we'll do enough programs, have enough events that appeal to this younger audience that they'll see the benefit of belonging and want to get in on the planning of more programs.  Sisterhood should be reflective of our community, not be just a bunch of older women (sorry, no insult intended!) planning activities that we are interested in and just hoping will appeal to a broader group.

* Sisterhood is the women's group at our synagogue and is an affiliate of Women’s League for Conservative Judaism, the network for all women who support our mission of enhancing Jewish knowledge, engaging in Jewish life, expanding communal involvement, and supporting klal Yisrael.  

Golden

It's been so long since I've written I don't even know where to start.

Do I start with my frustrations from work or from home or from specific incidents that have happened?  Do I talk about my worries about my daughters, finances, animals, me?  Or just focus on the good things that have been going on and ignore the not-so-good?

I do know that I really and truly hate it when people tell me to "just let go of it" if I'm stressed about something.  So easy to say and I probably should in some instances let go quicker than I do, but I believe it is okay to get mad about stuff - even healthy sometimes.  And sometimes you have to work though why you were mad, were you over-reacting or was your reaction justified?  After I've done all that, then I can let go of the mad and move on.  Fortunately, it doesn't usually take me very long to go though the whole process.....the mad goes away, although I do retain hurt a while.

And there have been a bunch of things lately that have made me crazy angry...and I still feel a bit of a residual resentment floating around inside.  And I think for some of this I may have the remnants for a long time, but I do think I've moved on and the relationships are intact, at least as much as they need to be.

Do you ever feel like your feelings don't matter and other people do whatever the hell they feel like and the world says that's okay, they're the golden people who can do no wrong and so you just have to grin and bear it?  I've felt that way since the fourth grade....and I can give specific instances from the fifth grade on that prove there are two kinds of people in the world - those who can do whatever they want, right or wrong, and not only get away with it but get rewarded for it, and the rest of us, who have to actually do the work and take the consequences for what we do if it doesn't work out perfectly. It's a sad fact of life I learned young and keep getting reminded of.

I've never been in the other group, so I can't tell you for sure what it feels like to be one of the golden people.  I imagine it's....well, a non-issue.  I imagine that these people don't even know that they get away with things.  My belief is that they go through life happily oblivious to the fact that not everyone gets away with the stuff they do, that they get special treatment at all - and that they would deny it if told about it.  They're probably blissfully unaware that they're getting away with anything, they're just so used to doing what they want, it's standard practice, just the way things are.  And it's a sad fact of life that this is not going to change.

I can live with this for me.  Ron is used to my ranting, I mean venting, about stuff and life just goes on.  But I really resent it for the next generation.  It's the mama bear in me coming out.  I was never petite and cute and sweet and perky and golden.  But I resent when my daughters have to deal with the same garbage, and I don't know how to help them when these situations come up.  No, life is not fair. If you know how to explain that to a seven year old, please give me a call.

So, I'll get up tomorrow and go work and hope for the best for my day, for my daughters' days, for my husband's day.....and deal with whatever gets thrown our way, hoping it's not too much for any one person to handle until we get home and can deal with it as a family - where everyone is a golden person and gets a chance to be the one who gets away with stuff, if only for a minute.

What Kind of Mad's in Your Wallet?

So, what I really want to know is....when you're angry, do you [1] say what you really mean because your impulse control is gone or [2] make something up in the heat of the moment that's hurtful?  I don't mean YOU, it's somewhat rhetorical.  The first gets my vote, but I'm not sure.  I think I say what I've been thinking and wanting to say but haven't had the nerve...or heart.  But I still try to not be mean or overly hurtful.  I don't think others are the same way.  And words linger forever in your mind.  I've been trying to teach the girls that - you can't un-say something.  I can't say mad long, one of my better traits, I think, but I do  stay hurt long...and I keep hearing the words said in anger over and over in my head.  And venting doesn't help.  The words are still there, chiseled into the rock of my brain.  I may not even remember what set the whole situation in motion, but the words repeat ad infinitum.

My mother would be silent when she got mad.  She always said it was better to be silent than to say something that you would later regret and be unable to take back.  So true, but not my style.  I actually don't think I know anyone else who does that.  And she did is most of the time - probably learned the hard way and chose that route.  I try to follow that rule with my daughters - to not say anything if I can help it.  They interpret things so often in ways that were other than the way it was intended - especially when they are upset.  They, however, have no difficulty saying whatever comes into their mind whenever it comes into their mind and don't understand why sometimes that may not be the best thing to do.  And they go out of their way to be hurtful - they know just what buttons to push, what words to use to inflict maximum distress.  And then, later, when they are calm, sometimes we'll get an "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it." like that's going to make everything all better and all the hurt go away and all the feelings be unhurt.  I've always taught them that they don't have to accept an apology when it is given - they have to acknowledge it, but they don't have to accept it if they feel it is not sincere or if it is not sufficient to make amends.  And they love to say "apology not accepted" especially to each other. Heaven forbid that someone else should say it to them, though.   They get totally bent out of shape and then they get mad (again) and off we go!

So we didn't get angry with Aubrey when she smashed the screen on her phone (it was an accident and she was upset).  Nor did we go out and replace the screen or phone.  She had to live with it broken and make do. And we didn't get made when she forgot the phone was in her pocket and jumped into the swimming pool.  We just gave her a bin of rice and hoped for the best.  Unfortunately, the total submersion of the phone was too much for it and it completely died after its dunk.  But we still didn't rush out and get her a new phone.  Who decided that kids need phones, anyway?  I mean, we all lived without cell phones for ages, right?  And Ron and I held off on getting smartphones until I, I mean we, couldn't stand it anymore.  And Aubrey had to have a phone.  I admit, I agreed and wanted to get her a phone before she went to NYC for 10 days last year.  And she did pretty well taking care of it for a while, too.  Recently, she's been using mine when I let her....more than I really like, but what can I say?   I'm a pushover for my girl.  We did finally get Ron to agree to order her a replacement phone which should be here in a few days. Before we give it to her, we want to go over what we can limit on it.  Also, I need to remember to turn in all the BYOD forms for school.  That's Bring-Your-Own-Device for those of you who don't have kids in Florida public schools.  They've gotten big on BYOD - in fact, Devon's teacher wants the kids in her class to have them, too.  Not happening!  I'm thinking of adding insurance to this phone, though.  Wonder how much that costs?

I love it when the girls say "but it's only $70 (or however much it might be)".  Devon, being 7, thinks we can just go to the bank/ATM and put in our card and get money out.  There's nothing else involved - you have a card, you get money.  I wish!  I've tried explaining how it works to her but I think she is just stubbornly refusing to believe me.  She's certainly smart enough to understand.  After all, she (occasionally) works to earn a little extra money.  It's not so different for Ron and me.  Aubrey, on the other hand, just thinks that we should just keep shelling out to get her whatever she wants whenever she wants it with no thought whatsoever as to how it's going to be paid for - we'll pay for it.  And she definitely is old enough to understand how things work in life.  I'm not sure where she got this entitled attitude from, like we owe her and owe it to her to get her everything she wants or thinks she needs. I've tried to explain, at times, just how long I have to work, or Ron has to work, to pay for something that she just have to have that is really a want not a need. And I know that sometimes these hard decision we make don't seem to her like they were hard at all for us.  That we made the decisions lightly without consideration for her feelings, but that is never the case.  But she has somehow never grasped the concept that she is a child and I am an adult and I pay the bills for the house, the car, the food, the extras, and I get to decide what those things are.  Where we live, what groceries I buy, what the extras, if there are any, are going to be.  And there are plenty of these decisions that I agonize over because I know they girls are not going to be happy with the decision.... but I need to go with the big picture when making decisions, and not always what is going to make the girls happy for this fleeting moment.

And so, I go to work to get away from the stress of children who do not appreciate what they have (not gratitude, but appreciation and recognition).  So I do not want stress at work.  I do not want infantile tantrums.  I do not want snide comments.  I want an appreciation for what I do - and if I am not doing it to someones's satisfaction I want them to tell me in a calm, rational manner.  And I need the people around me to realize I work for a lot of people, and that each of those people has their own priorities and I need to juggle all of those.  And I need them to trust me to be able to determine my priorities in melding all of the wants and needs of everyone concerned.  It's like the kids in school say - I have 7 teachers giving me homework and each teacher thinks they're the only one and the most important one.  So, leave me alone and everything will get done by its deadline and everyone will be happy...at work at least.  And then I can get back to home being the only stress in my life.

So, Aubrey should be happy for a little while since she's getting another phone.  Her reptile business seems to be doing well and expanding.  She's part of a new dog-training 4H club that is getting started with some friends.  And even school seems to be doing okay - she doesn't have as much homework as we were expecting, which we're concerned about, but time will tell if this is truly the case.  Devon is Devon, mostly happy but with bouts of "I'm not talking to you"s mixed in. Spent the day with a friend and at dinnertime announced that she hates her.  Ah, to be seven! They'll be buddies again in a day or two.  Seems like there's always someone making her mad these days.  Fortunately, she's like me and doesn't stay mad long.  Half the time, she doesn't even remember being mad!

I guess that's a good way to be.  If you don't remember being made you can't hold a grudge, right?

Words, or the lack thereof, can hurt

If I died tomorrow, I would forever be the voice in my daughters' heads telling them all the things they did that weren't good enough or done right or had still to do.  That stops now.  I want to be the voice they hear in their heads telling them how well they've done, how proud I am, how much they are loved. And that is what I promised Aubrey tonight, as she lay crying in bed after telling me I never tell her I'm proud of her.  Not completely true, but close enough to hurt.

Is that how I was raised?  I don't recall my parents telling me they were proud of me that much....I went through life pretty much just knowing general expectations and either meeting them or not, but not hearing much either way. But Aubrey, and probably Devon, too, needs more.  Maybe I needed more, I don't know.  Aubrey knows the expectations, but she needs to hear when she meets them, when she exceeds them.  And I vow to do a better job telling her.  Not that I am going to try to do a better job - that I am going to do a better job.

Last year, Ron and I read a book called The Five Love Languages.  If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.  It talks about how each of us has a primary method (or "language") for feeling that we are loved, and it discusses the five languages and then gives you a little test to help you determine your primary and secondary love languages.  Anyhow, there is a version for kids that we read, because we have felt for a while that Aubrey doesn't really feel how much she is loved.  It's a different thing to know something intellectually than to feel it.  If the book could help us figure out her primary love language, we were all in favor of anything that would help us let her know how we feel about her.  I read it and was no closer to an answer.  And kids' love languages can change as they age, so that was no help.  Tonight, I finally know definitively that Aubrey's primary language is "words of affirmation". It's my second primary language, so I definitely understand the need.  But can you imagine how hard it must have been, and how much this must hurt, for her to tell me that I never tell her I'm proud of her and that I've seen positive changes in her behavior?  My heart broke.  What have I done to this child I love so much?

I promise to be better.   I need to tell her not just that I love her but that she does make me proud.  And not only for big things, but for the little things she does and is as well.  It's easy to brag about stuff to other people, why is it so hard to tell the person herself?  Aubrey is helping me become a better person. Isn't it the least I could do to reciprocate and to let her know that she is a good person and that I am proud of her, that she actually does lots of things right?

Why is it that we lavish praise on kids when they're little and just doing what comes naturally and then we stop when they get a little older and really need it?  Oh, what a great job, you took a step! You ate your food!  You played with a toy!  And then all of a sudden we stop praising them for every little thing...is it school age?  is it parenting magazines?  Just when they probably really start to need to hear it, when things are finally starting to be a little more challenging for them. Isn't this the time we should really be letting them know that we are so very proud of what they are doing?  When it's not the things that come naturally, it's everything else in life that they're learning and doing?

You know, we've always complained that she doesn't appreciate the things we do for her.  When I think about the examples in the book, I now can understand that we were doing things that we thought showed her how much we love her, but it wasn't a language she understood.  So we would get annoyed at what seemed like a lack of appreciation and felt like it was never enough, no matter what we did, when really, it wasn't enough - not for Aubrey.  It wasn't enough because the message wasn't coming though in a way she understood.  Yes, a lot of what we did she appreciated for what it was, but she didn't see that it was our way of telling her we were proud of her, that we loved her.  To her, it was just stuff we did for or with her.  She needs the words, to hear the actual words, to know how we feel, that she's important, that we are noticing the little changes and efforts she is making.  And we need to be doubly aware that withholding the words hurts her....it's not just not telling her these things, it's actually telling her the opposite message. When we don't tell her we notice what she is doing and pleased or proud, she takes that as we're not seeing her efforts and we're not proud of her.  Certainly never the message we intended!

So, starting tomorrow, I vow to let her know - in actual words - that I am proud of her for getting herself up and to school on time (Ron and I are already at work when she gets up in the morning for school). That I have noticed and am proud of her for changing her snack habits and not eating the entire snack bin in one fell swoop when she gets home from school.  That she's been wearing her bike helmet each day when riding to school.  For starting to care what she looks like when she goes out. For actually trying on clothes before we buy them so we know it fits and she has clothes she likes to wear. For practicing her haftorah and the blessings when I know from personal experience it's not fun and it feels like there's lots of time to learn it all!  That she loves animals so much and wants to rescue them all. That, much as it's a pain, I love that she can make coherent, logical arguments for what she wants after we've told her no to try to get us to change our decisions.  For so many things.

But mostly, for being Aubrey, whom I love more than life itself, and who is teaching me how to be a better person.  Whose presence in my life is a gift for which I am thankful daily, and who I am always proud to claim as my daughter.

Enough is Enough

Today should have been a good day.  I had a good, enjoyable meeting last night and got home to find that both girls were having sleepovers at friends' houses.  I figured that meant no arguing this morning, which is a bonus, and that I would actually be able to have breakfast before leaving the house. I rarely get to have breakfast at home because I get up too late and then have to hurry to get the girls ready and out the door. I thought, since I didn't have to do much for the girls I wuld just have me to get up and out.  Oh, well, I took too long and still didn't have time for breakfast before leaving the house - plus the girls were late at both houses so I was, yet again, late for work.  Only a couple of minutes, but I find it aggravating.  The girls don't get it.  To them, why is being late an issue?

Of course, they weren't happy girls when they got in the car, either.  So much for that theory!  They didn't argue with each other, they were just not happy - mostly Aubrey, I will admit.  Nevertheless, I was stunned when I got a call about an hour later telling me to come get them, there had been an incident at camp and they needed to leave.  I got a text from the person running the camp (horseback riding this week) that Devon can't even ever go back!  Plus, I really need to be more on top of them and get a nanny cam and watch their behavior because they lie and can't be trusted to behave and blah blah blah. How do I wind up with all these judgmental people in my life?   I don't think that I am a judgmental person, but I keep winding up with people in my life who like to tell me what I am doing wrong in my parenting.  Do they think I am unaware of some of the issues that the girls have?  Ron and I are well aware of both the wonderful things about the girls and all of their issues, and also what we do and need to do to deal with them.  I have decided I am done with people telling me how to parent my daughters - unless I ask them for advice or suggestions or I am paying them to tell me what to do.  All others, beware, you are not in my life anymore.  I've had enough.

I am looking for people who accept me as I am, faults and all.  And people who maybe don't believe that I am 100% to blame for Aubrey and Devon having some of the issues they have....and maybe recognize that we are trying to help them deal with these issues.  The girls needs that, too.  Who needs to be around people who are always watchful and critical?  Everyone is their own worst critic - we're all very hard on ourselves, so we don't need external voices chiming in when we've got these negative internal voices we're trying to drown out.

I think that is one of the reasons I like our synagogue so much.  The people there are so accepting of us all.  They're not trying to change us, they're looking at what our strengths are and trying to find ways we can use those to contribute to the synagogue community.  You know, Devon has ADHD. Not liking her ADHD behavior is not going to help her change that behavior.  Accepting the ways her ADHD manifests itself and working with that, now that helps Devon.  And I wonder about camp, because the behaviors she got in trouble for at camp are not ones we've had complaints about anywhere else - only with that group in that place.  So I figure there is something there that either brings out this unacceptable behavior or the tolerance for any behavior that deviates from what they are wanting is completely unacceptable.  I know we're going to have issues at school with Aubrey - she still has a lot of arguing in her and we've heard that middle schools in particular have a zero tolerance policy for that.

So the angry Aubrey and the phone calls from my crying daughters and the lecturing texts from their trainer set the tone for my day.  And I know it's that I let this all get to me, but I haven't come up with a way to stop it from getting me down.  I did have some good things happen - I had to write a d'var Torah (short teaching essay based on something from the Torah for lack of a better explanation) for the 2014-2015 Sisterhood calendar book and I really loved some of the readings from this week and the d'var Torahs I read about them.  I sat down and one just sort of flowed out, only took a few minutes and I was really pleased with how it came out.  I would never in a million years have thought that I would someday be writing or giving d'var Torahs.  I am really enjoying all the various opportunities for personal growth I've found lately.

Meanwhile, I need to find a way to enjoy my family and all its trials and tribulations.  I keep trying to find things we can all enjoy doing together, trying to create enough positive memories that the not so positive ones will lost all weight.  I am constantly telling the girls that we all need to learn to enjoy the journey, and then we will not be so miserable waiting to get to our destination...I'm really trying hard to find ways to focus on the here and now, the journey, and not always be looking to the future.  My mother always said she needed to have something to look forward to, she couldn't just enjoy the "now".  I don't want to be that way, and I don't want the girls to be that way, either.  I want them to appreciate what they're doing, who is in their lives, every day, and not just always be waiting for the next great thing (or person) to come along.

So, we'll miss the people we've gotten to know from riding at this particular barn and hopefully we'll be able to find another barn that we can afford lessons at.  But on the bright side, my invitation list for Aubrey's bat mitzvah just got shorter.

The Wisdom of the Ages

I had the most interesting conversation with Devon the other night.  I was putting her to bed and she asked me why some people believe Jesus is the son of God.  Nothing like a light conversation at bedtime, right?  I really do not know the answer to this, so I was forced to wing it.  If my answer offends anyone, my sincerest apologies.  We discussed how the Bible says God created people in His image, so some people might think that in that case God could be a father and have a son, like people do. I told her that some really wise rabbis thought that maybe it meant that we don't look like God (how could we when he is incorporeal?) but that being made in His image maybe meant we all could be like God by doing mitzvahs (good deeds, caring for others, helping people and the world and so on). If we do that, then we act in a manner that makes us God's helpers and maybe that means we are acting in His "image"..... She wanted to know if I was sitting on God when I sat on the floor (isn't he everywhere?)  We talked about how God has no body so no, I wouldn't be sitting on Him or walking on Him when I sit or walk.  We talked about how rabbis are really smart, and she paid me the lovely compliment of telling me that I'm really smart and I could be a rabbi.  I told her about our cousin, Marina, who just became a rabbi.  Her eyes got so big - she must be REALLY smart!  and somehow she started to realize that if Marina is her cousin, that makes her a real person AND a rabbi.  I told her that she was very smart, and she could be a rabbi if she wanted to be one. You could have read by the lightbulb that went on in her head.  It was such an interesting conversation to have with a seven year old and to see how her mind works.  We talked about how God's miracles and creations surround us daily and how most of the time we pay no attention to them.  Little things, like a beautiful day, or flowers blooming somewhere unexpected, kittens, or a phone call from someone you haven't spoken to in a while.  Like I said, not the normal bedtime conversation with a 7-year-old.

Devon and Aubrey are both my miracles, and daily reminders to me that things happen for a reason.  I want to believe that, but I would add the caveat that it's not all things that happen for a reason, just some things, and we may never know which things are which.  Who knows what stars aligned (or mis-aligned) to lead me to not getting married until almost 40, not being able to have kids of my own and adopting my two beautiful daughters?  I think about that, sometimes, and how I cannot imagine life without Aubrey and Devon - those two very specific people.  And the impact of our adopting them on the life of their birth mother and siblings - very different than what they expected, all because we wanted a more open adoption.  Now we have this convoluted extended family that few people understand but we really enjoy.  And Devon, well I frequently think back to her first month of life and how scary it was and how for such a long time we didn't know if she was going to live, how healthy she would be, what sort of brain function would she have....and she's so smart, so beautiful it's hard to remember just how sick she was.  Talk about a miracle.  Sometimes I wonder if naming her for my Great-Aunt Del had anything to do with her more than just survival.  She was an amazing woman, ahead of her time, and I think watched over and maybe called in favors for this sick little baby namesake.....but I will probably never know for sure.

Today started with miracle number one, Aubrey, with a family meeting at her summer school at 7:30. She's doing great in this program, and although she feels like she's not having a "summer" because we put her in this full day program, we see it having positive effects for her and she's not losing the progress she made this past year in her reading, etc.   I've been trying to make sure she gets to do fun stuff on the weekend and occasional evenings, so long as it doesn't run too late.  School is a half hour drive away and starts at 7:30, so she's got some early mornings these days.  She's been spending a lot of time at her best friend, Sierra's house, which she thoroughly enjoys - lots of animals for one thing. And she and Sierra are trying to setup their business - they breed geckos and lizards and sell the babies. I'm good with this so long as no reptiles ever come to my house.  And she's been working on getting the backyard ready to receive chickens, which may be this weekend.  She took me over to the friend's house where they currently live so I could "meet" them.  Unfortunately, it was raining at the time and boy were they bedraggled!  But she's sharing them with Devon, which is a good thing, although she will maintain real responsibility for their care and upkeep.  Keep your fingers crossed for us.

The day ended with Devon.  It was family night at Second Harvest Food Bank, so we picked up Devon's twin, Isabella, and off we went for a couple hours of volunteering.  It was crazy hot in the warehouse tonight.  We were sorting donations by type from small, banana boxes into huge bins.  Lots of walking back and forth and schlepping.  Devon and Isabella went looking for the heaviest stuff they could find to sort - I think one bag of charcoal they moved weighed almost as much as they do!  They were so cute, and we go often enough that the people who run the volunteer program know them, joke around with them and even give them special assignments to do.  They love it, and it's so good to get them involved in a community service activity.

We always get dinner afterwards, since the volunteering program runs from 6-8 pm, but they didn't want the usual Taco Bell (how could they say no to Taco Bell?!) or McDonalds.  Isabella said she really wanted to go to Denny's, so off we went in search of a convenient Denny's to eat at.  There are not many left around here.  Anywhere we go, people get such a kick out of the two girls, and always comment on my "twins".  I don't usually bother explaining the relationship, and the girls love being referred to that way.  They are too cute together - and definitely act like siblings, too!  We haven't seen Isabella much recently, our schedules have been very different, so this was nice and felt like we were actually getting back to normal activities.....as if anything we do is normal!

Everyone is asleep in the house now.  Two girls in Aubrey's room (Devon has been sleeping in a nest on her floor the past few nights), two dogs in the living room (don't ask), Ron in our room and three cats...well, maybe not everyone is asleep.  The puppy is scared of cats, so it's funny when he goes to walk around a corner and all of a sudden you hear a growl and he comes running back as fast as he can.  He spends the day at a friend's house with kittens, and he likes them, not afraid of the tiny cats at all.  In fact, he wants to play with them and goes into play mode, butt up in the air, head and front paws low to the ground.....I really think dogs don't get it.  That particular position is not play to a cat, it's exactly the opposite of play.  Reminds me why I am a cat person; they're so much smarter than dogs AND lower maintenance to boot.

My personal excitement of the week is being back in a boot.  My left knee has been bothering me for a couple of months now but I refuse to have the ACL/miniscis repair surgery....they say the recovery is bad and I don't want to have the surgery and that's that.  For the past month or so, my left ankle has been achy, so I've been wearing, most days, one of my ankle braces.  It finally reached the point where I couldn't stand it anymore and was afraid that maybe I had re-torn my tendon - also surgery with a not fun recovery.   The good news is that it may only be a bad case of tendonitis and maybe wearing the boot for a while will let the tendon heal....and did I know I had flat feet and pronate?  Duh, only since I was a teenager.  People feel all sorry for me when they see the boot but I love it - my ankle feels so much better in it.  My knee, however, does not like it, and I cannot wear my knee brace at the same time as the boot.  Oh, well, there's always some bad to go with the good.  The other bad news about the boot is that it's higher than my sneaker, so now I need to get some other shoe to wear so that i am more even - and fast before I start to have problems with my right knee and ankle and hip and my back....Oy!  I'd say I'm too young to be falling apart, but Devon would tell you I'm old!

I went out with the "girls" from work the other night to a painting place and we all created our own versions of a Monet Water Lily scene.  I like mine, not love it, but I've never been a painter or artist of any sort, so I am impressed at how well it came out.  It's hanging on the wall over the stairs and Devon was showing it to Isabella yesterday - isn't it pretty good, especially for an old person?  I guess because old people can't paint?

Well, as the saying goes, out of the mouths of babes.....I'm falling apart, so I must be old, but at least I'm smart, too.

Tabula Rasa

I've been waiting for days to get some quiet time so I could blog, and now that I've got some, you guessed it, my mind is blank.  There have been so many things I wanted to write about over the past two weeks and - poof! - they are all gone when faced with the blank screen of the computer. Hmmmm.

Ron went to see his brother over the fourth of July weekend, which is great because they really don't see each other enough.  I took advantage of his being away to plan a fun girls weekend for the three of us staying here.  I know, what was I thinking?!  I wanted to take the girls to the Clearwater Marine Aquarium to see Winter the dolphin (did you see the movie Dolphin Tale?  It's a fictionalized version of her story.)

We've been talking about going for a while now, so I thought the excitement of the weekend, seeing Winter and going to the beach, would carry us through.  However, I spent the 2 hour drive there thinking, yes, I did it again!  Ron had said after our last outing that he wasn't going anywhere with the girls for a long time, which is part of the reason I chose that weekend to go - no Ron.  All the drive there did, however, was reinforce how right he was!  Luckily, once we got to the beach (don't ask, it took almost an hour to get there from our hotel on Saturday and about 15 minutes on Sunday), they were great.  And they stayed great pretty much for the rest of the time we were in Clearwater.  We all loved the Aquarium and are looking forward to (someday) going back.  I got annual passes though Groupon, so we can not only go back there but get a break on some other places as well.  Woo hoo!

The west coast beaches are so different from the east coast beaches.  Beautiful, soft sand, the water was just shy of being too warm but really felt lovely and was almost completely refreshing.  Devon brought home a bagful of pretty shells we collected.  Aubrey looked for shells but threw them all back. Yea!  We celebrated our fun day by all getting hair wraps.  I really wanted one and figured I had to get them for the girls, too.

They loved it, though, and were really appreciative.    The big treat on Sunday was feeding the no-sting stingrays (they had their barbs removed, poor babies) and being the center of attention as the helpers at several presentations throughout the Aquarium.  We all also really enjoyed the boat ride from the "Dolphin Tale Adventure" downtown back to the Aquarium.  Next time, I would consider taking the boat both ways, although there is a 2 block (up hill) walk from the dock to the Adventure.  Really interesting place, though, and I splurged and bought a lot of the pictures they took.  It's a good cause, right? supporting the Aquarium.  The girls volunteered every time the staff at the Aquarium asked, so they got a couple of prizes and just really had a great time.  The big disappointment, of course, is that they didn't get to actually swim with a dolphin.  Let me save a while longer before we go there, please!

They said "face painting"

but they meant "arm painting"

 Aubrey's been doing really well at her summer school program, and we're almost not minding getting up at 6 to get her there.  I can't believe we would actually consider sending her there during the school year.  Remind me later on in life to throw this back at her to make sure she waits on me hand and foot in my old age.  Ron and I take turns driving her the half hour to get there by 7:30 so one of us gets to work early each day, which is actually nice.  Devon has been alternating going to a friend's house (the one with all the kittens) and horseback riding camp.  She actually has her first show this weekend. She's riding "slow Randy" and says she won't get any ribbons or anything because he doesn't listen and won't turn when you tell him to.  If that's the case, I can't imagine why he would be the horse they take to the show, but what do I know?  And Devon is my source of information for this, so who knows what reality is.  The really bad news is that the horse show is in Ocala, which is over an hour away and she has to be there no later than 7 am.  Why is nothing close by and at a decent hour?  I need my beauty sleep!  And I can't really sleep in on Sunday, as Aubrey has her first bat mitzvah lesson with the Rabbi Sunday morning.  We've actually listened to a few minutes of her haftorah in the car already so she can start to learn the melody but the Rabbi is chanting it so slowly that it puts me to sleep! Hopefully the pace will pick up once she starts learning the words and melody, or we'll have a bunch of sleeping people at the synagogue that morning!  (Not that this would be a first - we have a cousin who slept - and snored - through one of my brothers' bar mitzvahs.)

Meanwhile, work has been crazy busy.  Why do people think the summer is slow?  I have just as much work now as in the other seasons....plus my co-workers take time off so we all have to pitch in to help out and get that much more work.  I'm not complaining, just wondering.....maybe it's the brokers who have less work and they're projecting.

Did I ever tell you about the meeting Ron and I went to to learn about second grade?  It's the night my ACL finally ripped through and down I went!  The principal kindly brought me the wheelchair from the clinic so I could get to the program.  The biggest change from first to second grade is the emphasis on the BYOD program.  That's "Bring Your Own Device", and they are encouraging the kids to come to school with their own tablet or smart phone.  Excuse me, but we are talking about second grade, right? Devon is dying to get a phone, Aubrey says there's no way Devon can have one at 7 since she (Aubrey) didn't get one until she was 11, and it's a non-issue for Ron and I - there is no way we are buying a device for Devon to bring to school for the second grade.  Apparently Florida is moving into the 21st century and moving away from the dreaded FCATs and into using the "Common Core" standards.....that's great except that Common Core states that you stop teaching handwriting after the first grade.  Wonderful, we're going to be raising a nation of people who write like first graders. Forget cursive (what's that?)  People are going to be barely able to print properly!  Who creates these standards, anyhow? Possibly the same group of people who determine the nutritional value of school lunches (chicken nuggets and tater tots, anyone?)  Devon always liked when I joined her for lunch because I could buy the teacher's lunch which she would steal from me.  We are talking about the child who orders salad at McDonald's and Wendy's.....

Anyhow, last night we had chicken for dinner.  The girls usually love the chicken we were having but for some reason, Devon decided she doesn't like chicken anymore and refused to even eat one bite of it.  Aubrey ate the chicken, but not happily, as it is exactly what she had for lunch at school.  Sorry, sweetie!  Devon and I met up with Aubrey and Ron after the work/camp/school day was done today - what's for dinner, Mom?  Fish tonight.  Devon doesn't eat fish (except for crab legs and Gorton's fish fillets), so it's no biggie that she says no to fish for dinner.  Aubrey likes fish, though, but guess what they had for lunch today?  Right, fish!  We went out for pizza instead.  She said they're having burgers tomorrow so we'll cook up the fish tomorrow night.  Of course, now that the girls are getting chickens we may have to eat chicken a little less.  I love to tease Aubrey that we're going to eat her chickens, but I would never do that!  Just like I'd never eat a pet fish.  There's no way I would clean it - yuck!

So, Aubrey's geckos and lizards live at her friend's house, we're not keeping the stray puppy we found

and we're still telling Devon no, she can't keep the tiny kitten she's in love with, but chickens? Somehow they've managed to break though the wall of Ron's resistance and they're on their way!  Watch for the next installment when I let you know if they've really arrived or not. I'm sort of hoping not, I'd rather have the kitten, but Aubrey has convinced Ron she will take total responsibility for the poultry coming our way.

And, when I think about more animals coming our way my mind goes blank.  And I think I'll leave it like that for now.

Take a meeting

I must be the only person who loves to go to meetings.  I do, I really do, love meetings.  I love getting information, being around other people, being able to voice my opinion, I get energized and happy and rejuvenated.  I know, I'm strange.

You have to remember, most of the meetings I go to are for my volunteer organizations, not work. Not that work meetings are bad, I like them too, but when the meetings are to discuss things that are important to me, well, I just really enjoy them.  I came home from my meeting tonight in a good mood. And it was nice to walk into the house and find the three inhabitants also in good moods.  How rare!

The girls were excited, Ron took them to the store and Devon got a new fishing pole and the accompanying tackle supplies - including live worms, oh goody!  They're going fishing tomorrow morning and are very excited about it.  Fortunately, I sincerely doubt that they'll catch anything big enough that we need to worry about cleaning it so we can eat it.  I find it amusing that Devon (thinks she) loves to fish, but absolutely will not eat fish....except for Gorton's fish fillets and a McDonalds Filet-o-fish sandwich.  I guess they're both far enough removed from real fish that they're acceptable to her.

They are really enjoying being at the friend's house this week, if for no other reason than animals. There are a LOT of animals at this friend's house.  They raise and breed geckos and lizards (Aubrey is starting to go in on this business), plus they have newts, a bearded dragon, 2 dogs, turtles (or is it tortoises?), fish, birds and more cats and kittens than I can count.  (They foster kittens...know anyone who wants one?  They are damn cute!)  So the girls are in animal heaven there, as I am sure you understand, knowing my girls.

Devon constantly reminds me that she is the only one that has never picked out a pet.  And she's completely in love with this one kitten that has not yet found a home, even though the rest of its litter has.  Poor little kitten.  It is so cute, too.  I would take it, yes, I know, I have enough animals.  Thank goodness Ron is the voice of sanity (can you believe it?!) and keeps us from adding to our menagerie. You should have heard her when they got back from the reptile show last Saturday.  She had money burning a hole in her pocket and got the cutest lizard pin she put onto her purse...."because YOU wouldn't let me get something live"....so accusing, yet so true.  Aubrey has actually bought a couple of geckos and lizards but they do not live with us.  Glad that didn't occur to Devon - the lizard pin is so much nicer than a live lizard, and she'll get to enjoy it more and longer.  I was just glad I didn't have to take them to the show - we've got a really good friend now in the mom who is watching them (the animal keeper).  And I finagled Ron into taking the girls to the reptile and amphibian lecture at the library on Sunday so I didn't have to...yea, again!

Now I just have to ask, is it Friday yet?  I think I slept away most of last weekend, so I don't feel like I had a weekend.  My own fault, but I could not stay awake.  The highlight was going out to dinner on Sunday.  Devon had a play-date with a girl she met at religious school, and the parents invited to us to go out to dinner to this cool restaurant with them that evening.  I immediately said yes - I love doing what I consider adult things, like going out to dinner with another couple/family.  We went to a really interesting restaurant, an Asian tapas restaurant.  Devon didn't love what we ordered for her but ate enough of the other dishes that she wasn't hungry when we were done.  Aubrey opted not to come, so she had a good time with a friend instead.  Glad she did, too, because we all got to enjoy our evening this way.

Aubrey was a little disappointed earlier; she was hoping for a sleepover tomorrow night and her friend's mother said no.  She got over it pretty quickly, which is great.  They'll have one eventually, just not right now.  Both of our girls love having sleepovers.  Is this a new phenomenon?  Sleepovers from my youth were mainly the special occasion slumber parties, with an occasional one-to-one ratio sleepover. Now it seems to be the opposite, mostly one friend with one friend sleepovers and more frequently, so they're not so special.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just commenting that it'd changed since those long ago days of my youth.  Aubrey prefers to go elsewhere, whereas Devon prefers to be here. Aubrey finds it boring here ("there's nothing to do at our house"), but Devon doesn't have that problem and always manages to find something to destroy, I mean play with.

It's nice right now, both girls are sleeping in their own rooms.  It just sort of happened. For a long time, Devon refused to sleep upstairs and insisted on being on the couch in the living room, and then, one day, it was suddenly fine to sleep upstairs again.  I'm glad, because I got my living room back.  I like to relax on the couch and watch a little tv before going to bed, and the couch is the most comfortable place for me to sit and blog :)  Right now, I'm semi-watching Life Below Zero which I find fascinating....like watching a train wreck.  I absolutely do not understand how or why people can live this way...200 miles north of the Arctic Circle?  Makes me cold just thinking about it!  I mean, I watch the living in Alaska shows, not a lifestyle I would want either, but at least I can somewhat understand that choice - the scenery is so magnificent.  But around the Arctic Circle there doesn't seem to be a lot of variety of landscape....sort of like a white Florida, I suppose.  Well, I take that back - the mountains are really pretty.  Anyhow, it's interesting to me to see how they survive and hear their stories.  I don't really get hooked into any of their lives, so it doesn't matter to me if I miss episodes, and that keeps me from feeling like a reality show addict.  But if I happen to catch an episode I like to watch.  It's good to watch it now, too, when it's really hot here.  It reminds me why I don't want to live up north anymore.  Brrrr.

Plus, I like having other people around.  I mean, not 100% of the time, some time alone is welcome from time to time.  But, generally, I like to have others around.  I know I present as a loner and a grouch (like my Dad, maybe? LOL) but that's just my introverted nature coming out.  Maybe that's why I like meetings....meetings I don't have to lead, that is....I get to be as introverted or as extroverted as I want.  So, have as any meetings as you want and invite me to them all - I love 'em!

Happy

So, we're sitting at dinner and Ron says, "You look really good.  Your skin looks nice, your hair looks nice." and the girls agree...."Have you done something different?"  I decide to take the high road.... no, I'm not going to be offended (what, I don't usually look good?) and reply "Happy.  This is what happy looks like." No one was arguing or crying or pouting or being nasty....I was actually enjoying dinner with my family.  Of course, if that's what it takes to make me look good, I really must look like a hag most of the time.

We actually had company for dinner.  No, not FOR dinner, AT dinner.  Isabella, who's more family than company, and Chowder.  Chowder is the puppy Aubrey is training at camp this week and next.  She also is supposed to help find him his forever home.  He is the cutest tiny little puppy.  So sweet.  No, we're not keeping him.  No one ever told me that they encourage the kids to take the puppies home with them nights and over the weekend.  It makes sense.  That way the puppy gets more attention and doesn't have to stay in a crate as much.  I wonder how many campers wind up actually adopting their puppies?

Aubrey, after a tough first day at camp (we're not sure why it was a bad day but it was a doozy) now l-o-v-e-s it.  Just as we fully expected she would.  Devon says she wants to go there next year.  It would be nice for the girls to go to the same camp at the same time. Right now, one of us drives 20 minutes northeast to camp and the other drives 45 minutes southwest to camp.  Ron assumed it would always be him doing the long drive, but I'm trying to alternate.  Partly to be nice (I know, it doesn't come naturally) and partly because whoever does the longer drive actually gets to work earlier.  Go figure!  The far camp starts at 8 am.  Ugh!  I haven't had to consistently get up this early since I worked in Manhattan.  And we all know how much I loved that!

Anyhow, I'm all done being annoyed with Ron. Oh, did I forget to mention that I was really annoyed with him last night?  Not sure he knows, but the point's moot, I'm good now.  He's going to go to NC to visit his brother. That's a good thing, he doesn't see him enough.  The part I was annoyed about is that we discussed what weekend would be good for him to go (provided it had decent airfare, of course).  When Ron went to book his flight, that weekend (the last weekend of June) didn't work, so he bought tickets for the following weekend.  Fourth of July weekend.  A 3-day weekend for all of us.  It works out well for Ron and Garrett, neither of them needs to take Friday off for Ron's visit. But, I was annoyed.  It's a 3 day weekend for all of us, an extra day to do something  fun, as a family.  So I spent part of today venting to a couple of co-workers, partly to see if I was being petty and wrong to be annoyed about this.  Got a 50/50 response, so what the hell, I just planned a fun weekend for the girls and me.   Now it's win-win.  See?  Happy.

So it's time for everyone to take showers and go to bed.  Aubrey is ready - she's exhausted.  She gets up so early and has trouble getting to sleep, not a good combination.  Can I put her to bed, maybe read a little?  I'd love to, but Devon and Isabella need to also take showers and get ready for bed and Ron has already taken himself off and put himself to bed.  After threatening to take Isabella home, the twins finally agree to be quiet in Devon's room and I get to spend a little time getting Aubrey (and Chowder) settled in. When I finally think everyone is asleep, who should make their way downstairs but Devon and Isabella.  It's too hot in Devon's room, they claim, and plant themselves on the loveseat.  So much for my quiet time in front of the tv.  I offer the couch to Isabella since Devon is on the loveseat, at which point they decide the couch needs to be shared.  Okay, I shift to the loveseat, the girls lie down, cover themselves with a blanket and almost immediately are asleep. Got to love that.  I fully expected them to conk out earlier - they work hard at "horse camp" as we call it. Finally, a quiet house, with all 9 of the other inhabitants sleeping peacefully.

Not a bad day overall, especially considering that it's a Wednesday, not a Friday.  Oh, and did I mention we're all done pet sitting?  Yea!  So, I think I'll sign off while things are still good - including, apparently, my looks (for one day at least) - and I'll get to bed, you guessed it, happy.

Just another typical week-end

Need I say more?

Week-ends start on Friday, right?  So I was looking forward to our family going to dinner and services at Temple.  The girls got home a little late and did a quick change and off we went....with a lot of whining and complaining from the younger Sterns, so Ron decided we could go without him.  I insisted he come, which he did, and I enjoyed having his company at dinner.  Of course, it helped that Devon suddenly started behaving well and Aubrey, well, she sat herself at a totally different table nowhere near us and had a great time.  Go figure.

I did not get to enjoy services....it seems like everybody dumped their under 10 children in the "quiet" room and left them unsupervised.  A no-no, but who's going to yell at the parents during services?  I volunteered to go in and supervise since Devon insisted on being in there with all her friends.  After all, I can't complain about others not following the "Children must be accompanied by a parent" rule if I'm not there with her, right?  If kids go in there and are well behaved, no one says a word.  The kids Friday night, well, not so well behaved.  One boy in particular was very loud and wild and would not listen to me.  He has some, shall we say, issues?  and I think it was just wrong of his parents to send him into the room and never check on him at all.  Denial, anyone?

Anyhow, for some reason the audio wasn't working properly so I couldn't hear the services which you normally can in that room, so I missed Friday night services, which I love, so I was bummed.  And then, everyone happily goes to the Social Hall for the dessert which always follows services and lo and behold, all there is is a bowl of fruit, and not a large bowl, either.  Lots of complaining by everyone there.....where are the cookies?  It really is the simple things in life that make us happy, don't you know.

Saturday starts out okay, I guess.  I don't really remember the morning....did I sleep through it? Oh, now I remember, Devon and I went out for a little Mommy and me time.  Very nice.   Anyhow, I'd been looking forward for a while to the family going to Chocolate World for the afternoon.  Once again, as soon as we get in the car, Devon starts to melt down, Aubrey gets nasty, and Ron, well, let's not go there. There was nothing left of Devon by the time we got there - she just melted and melted and melted away. Aubrey was sullen but only minimally nasty by then and Ron was just mostly silent.  Tell me again, why do I plan and look forward to family outings?  I have this ideal picture in my mind which never comes to fruition. Yes, I continually live the saying about the definition of insanity, and will probably continue to do so until the girls are grown and gone.  Once we actually got into the place everybody semi-perked up.....guess chocolate has that effect on you even if you're not eating it.  The tour was interesting, a little too old for Devon, but we did get samples at the end (small but interesting)....and then we dined at their cafe (which included a chocolate shop, of course).  YUM!  Made the whole trip worthwhile.

Sculptures hand carved COMPLETELY out of chocolate

Saturday night is as blank as Saturday morning.....guess that means nothing memorable happened, right? Nothing wonderful but nothing horrible.  Yea!  Let's move on....

Oh, yeah....Ron noticed that the driver's window in the van was acting a little wonky - it went down crooked.  Of course, trying to be sensible, we agreed to just not open it and see it we could stave off any repairs, which would, of course, be costly.  We know we have new tires in our future, so who needs window repairs, right?  Naturally, first thing I did this morning was get in the car to go to my luncheon and yes rolled down the window to give Devon a kiss good-bye.  Duh!  Naturally, it would not go back up, so Devon volunteered to help ("I'll go get Daddy") which she did.  Ron calmly announced that he probably would have done the same thing next time he drove the car and off I went to my luncheon in  his piece of crap, I mean Hyundai, and he took the van to our trusty auto mechanic, who loves us.  I told you about my flat tire that wound up costing us a thousand dollars because we were overdue for the 100,000 mile overhaul and did we want to do that while they had the car?  Sure, why the hell not.  Devon went with Ron to get the car fixed and enjoyed her outing - McDonalds for lunch, stopping by his office, walking Bella who they also took with them for some reason....  she tells it as quite a good story.

Throughout all of this, Aubrey was home and left to her own devices.  This is bad because [1] I forgot to hide her phone which she has yet again lost use of, so she had access and [2] she decided to take herself off to the pool in the hopes that there would be someone there she knew that would let her in and "supervise" her. There was, which meant that she spent the bulk of the day today, and mid-day at that, at the pool.  Now, remember that Aubrey always gives me a hard time about applying sunscreen ("what's the big deal?" "I know, mother" and so on).  So guess what?  I have a crispy Aubrey tonight.  It hurts a little, not a lot, which is good, I guess.  I almost wish it hurt more so maybe she would wear sunscreen more.  Almost.  It really aggravated Devon that Aubrey was at the pool so much.  Don't know why, but it did.

Naturally, my week of not having to pack lunch or snack is over (sniff sniff) and both girls need both for the next week.  So I went grocery shopping today.  Not a big shop but enough to last at least most of the week. Italian ice was BOGO, so for a treat I did (BOGO).  Aren't I nice?  The girls love Italian ice and there's only 6 to a box and they're preportioned so it's great, right?  Devon took one out as soon as we got home and then took another to bring to Aubrey at the pool so they would each have one.  Sweet, right?  Aubrey left the pool before us.  Ron was at a parent orientation for Aubrey's camp for the next two weeks (don't ask). You know what that means?  Aubrey was home alone (again).  No, Ron had taken care of making her phone inaccessible.  I, however, have not yet figured out how to make food inaccessible.  She ate 3 more Italian ices and I haven't figured out what else.  Devon was really upset to find all of the sour green apple ices gone plus some of the strawberry.  And two plums.  Sometimes I think I can only buy food she doesn't like - but then what would I make her for lunch?  Let me know if you have any suggestions.

And, of course, we're pet sitting for a friend who is away this week starting tonight.  The good news is [1] the girls signed up for the job so they are doing the work and [2] none of the pets are at our house - they're all at their house, yea!!!  The bad news is [1] I have to drive the girls over to the house to do their job (and they were paid ahead of time, who does that?) and [2] it's a LOT of animals.....fortunately, we only have the night shift and only some of the animals come under our purview.  The girls need to walk the 2 dogs, mist and feed the bearded dragons and cresties (those are crested geckos to those of you not in the know), feed the geckos (I'm guessing a dozen of them plus the new babies), cover the birds and play with and feed the kittens and their mama.  The adult cats (plus one other litter) are someone else's duty.  The kittens are so cute!  But OMG it takes forever to do it all - no wonder my friend has a hard time saying exactly when she'll be anywhere.  In her defense, the kittens and mama cat are fosters and she is actively looking for homes for them.  No, much to Devon's dismay, we're not taking any.  She reminds me daily she is the only one in the family to have never picked out a pet.  And she really wants a kitten.  And the kitten she wants has not found its forever home. Fortunately, Ron keeps me strong and saying no more animals.

So it takes forever to take care of all the animals and we finally get home and it's time for the girls to go to bed but first they need to get their stuff ready for the morning.  Aubrey needs to be at camp at 8 and it's easily 45 minutes away - the drive there won't be so bad,  but Ron said the route back after dropping her off at 8 is to take the 408 - not fun at rush hour.  He hopes to be at work by 9, after leaving the house at 7:15.  Guess I'll drive a couple of times to give him a break.  I just have to trek out to Sorrento a mere 20 minutes the wrong way for work - but only one way, fortunately, a friend will pick up the kids after camp.  Got to love a car pool!

So, let's just say I'm mostly looking forward to Monday.  Work is the easy part, it's all the life around it that gets hard to juggle.  But at least it's not the week-end any longer.