Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Enough is Enough

Today should have been a good day.  I had a good, enjoyable meeting last night and got home to find that both girls were having sleepovers at friends' houses.  I figured that meant no arguing this morning, which is a bonus, and that I would actually be able to have breakfast before leaving the house. I rarely get to have breakfast at home because I get up too late and then have to hurry to get the girls ready and out the door. I thought, since I didn't have to do much for the girls I wuld just have me to get up and out.  Oh, well, I took too long and still didn't have time for breakfast before leaving the house - plus the girls were late at both houses so I was, yet again, late for work.  Only a couple of minutes, but I find it aggravating.  The girls don't get it.  To them, why is being late an issue?

Of course, they weren't happy girls when they got in the car, either.  So much for that theory!  They didn't argue with each other, they were just not happy - mostly Aubrey, I will admit.  Nevertheless, I was stunned when I got a call about an hour later telling me to come get them, there had been an incident at camp and they needed to leave.  I got a text from the person running the camp (horseback riding this week) that Devon can't even ever go back!  Plus, I really need to be more on top of them and get a nanny cam and watch their behavior because they lie and can't be trusted to behave and blah blah blah. How do I wind up with all these judgmental people in my life?   I don't think that I am a judgmental person, but I keep winding up with people in my life who like to tell me what I am doing wrong in my parenting.  Do they think I am unaware of some of the issues that the girls have?  Ron and I are well aware of both the wonderful things about the girls and all of their issues, and also what we do and need to do to deal with them.  I have decided I am done with people telling me how to parent my daughters - unless I ask them for advice or suggestions or I am paying them to tell me what to do.  All others, beware, you are not in my life anymore.  I've had enough.

I am looking for people who accept me as I am, faults and all.  And people who maybe don't believe that I am 100% to blame for Aubrey and Devon having some of the issues they have....and maybe recognize that we are trying to help them deal with these issues.  The girls needs that, too.  Who needs to be around people who are always watchful and critical?  Everyone is their own worst critic - we're all very hard on ourselves, so we don't need external voices chiming in when we've got these negative internal voices we're trying to drown out.

I think that is one of the reasons I like our synagogue so much.  The people there are so accepting of us all.  They're not trying to change us, they're looking at what our strengths are and trying to find ways we can use those to contribute to the synagogue community.  You know, Devon has ADHD. Not liking her ADHD behavior is not going to help her change that behavior.  Accepting the ways her ADHD manifests itself and working with that, now that helps Devon.  And I wonder about camp, because the behaviors she got in trouble for at camp are not ones we've had complaints about anywhere else - only with that group in that place.  So I figure there is something there that either brings out this unacceptable behavior or the tolerance for any behavior that deviates from what they are wanting is completely unacceptable.  I know we're going to have issues at school with Aubrey - she still has a lot of arguing in her and we've heard that middle schools in particular have a zero tolerance policy for that.

So the angry Aubrey and the phone calls from my crying daughters and the lecturing texts from their trainer set the tone for my day.  And I know it's that I let this all get to me, but I haven't come up with a way to stop it from getting me down.  I did have some good things happen - I had to write a d'var Torah (short teaching essay based on something from the Torah for lack of a better explanation) for the 2014-2015 Sisterhood calendar book and I really loved some of the readings from this week and the d'var Torahs I read about them.  I sat down and one just sort of flowed out, only took a few minutes and I was really pleased with how it came out.  I would never in a million years have thought that I would someday be writing or giving d'var Torahs.  I am really enjoying all the various opportunities for personal growth I've found lately.

Meanwhile, I need to find a way to enjoy my family and all its trials and tribulations.  I keep trying to find things we can all enjoy doing together, trying to create enough positive memories that the not so positive ones will lost all weight.  I am constantly telling the girls that we all need to learn to enjoy the journey, and then we will not be so miserable waiting to get to our destination...I'm really trying hard to find ways to focus on the here and now, the journey, and not always be looking to the future.  My mother always said she needed to have something to look forward to, she couldn't just enjoy the "now".  I don't want to be that way, and I don't want the girls to be that way, either.  I want them to appreciate what they're doing, who is in their lives, every day, and not just always be waiting for the next great thing (or person) to come along.

So, we'll miss the people we've gotten to know from riding at this particular barn and hopefully we'll be able to find another barn that we can afford lessons at.  But on the bright side, my invitation list for Aubrey's bat mitzvah just got shorter.

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