Baby, it's cold inside

I was reminded twice this week why I moved to Florida.  The first was when I got a photo from a distant colleague of her son going off to school that morning (it was hat day) and there was mound of snow behind him almost as tall as he is.  The second was this evening when I took the girls ice skating.  Yes, we ice skate in Florida (well, some of us do anyway).  Brrrrrrrr.  I am in no hurry to ever move back north, despite the fact that my most favorite cities are all north of here.
 


Everyone loves a Zamboni!

Guess I won't complain about our cool mornings for a while!

We'll be heading up to Albany in two weeks for Passover.  We'll get celebrate my sister's birthday (even though she said she doesn't really want to) and Aubrey's (she does want to) while we're there....as well as the exodus from Egypt, of course.  I love celebrating with turkey and pot roast and brisket!  oh, yeah, the family time is good, too.  The girls are hoping for snow while we're there, which I am most definitely not hoping for!  I'm hoping for 60s and 70s, but we'll have to wait and see what Mother Nature has in store for us.  So long as it's not like the weekend of my wedding, I'll be okay.

I think everyone will be amazed when they see the girls, especially my brother, Bruce and his family, since it's been the longest for them since they've seen us.  Aubrey is as tall as I am - which makes her significantly taller than my sister and her daughters (sorry, Deb!), and Devon is doing her best to catch up.  Bruce was nice enough to pick up some bikes for the girls to ride while we're there from a local bike rescue‎, although all Devon wants is her "motorcycle", really some sort of small electric motor bike - and it's pink, to boot!  Aubrey will be pleased with having a bike, she does love to ride, whether it's bikes or horses.

She spent this week, her spring break, mostly at the barn, taking care of her beloved horses and doing some riding, although not as much as I had expected.  She made a really cool dream-catcher from a horseshoe.  The girls made one today while they were at the barn - no riding for them, unfortunately, since by the time they got the horses ready to ride the skies opened up and the tornado warnings came out.  They didn't seem particularly upset though, which is good.

Another good thing is that we've been hearing a lot less of "it's not fair" from the girls about each other.  We still get it a bit, but it's mostly directed at being asked to help out with something, pick something up off the floor, put something away (I didn't put it there, I have to pick up more stuff).  I can live with that...mainly because I agree, it's not fair to constantly have to pick up stuff that you didn't put down.  Which I happily remind the girls that I do constantly.  They don't seem to get the inference... too subtle?

I can't believe we're at the end of March already.  Time is flying by.  Is that because I'm old?  They say time goes by faster the older you get.  I was talking to a woman at temple today who told me she just celebrated the 50th anniversary of her bat mitzvah.  Last November was the 40th anniversary of mine, and I have no plans to celebrate that particular anniversary.  We are starting to make plans for Aubrey's bat mitzvah, though.  Not sure what we're doing, but it won't be on the scale of the other (Herbach/Liebman) family events, which she has been told.  Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your point of view, she keeps changing her mind on what kind of celebration she wants.  One of the girls in her class is having a roller skating party for her bat mitzvah.  I really like that this synagogue isn't all big celebrations. 

In the meantime, we have a twelfth birthday celebration to figure out.  She told me today she wants a roller-skating party.  But she told Ron she wants a pool party.  I vote for the pool party - so much cheaper, and it'll be hot in a month when her birthday comes around.  Devon, too, is concerned about her own birthday.  She's worried that she won't get any electronics.  She really want s a phone, but she would be almost as happy with an iPad.  I had to wait until I turned 50 to get an iPad, and she wants one at eight!  (Ignore the fact that until shortly before I turned 50 there was no such thing as an iPad, okay?)  And Aubrey had to wait until she was 11 for a phone, so we would never hear the end of it if Devon got a phone before she turned 11.  Not that she needs one at 8 anyway.  If anyone has any suggestions for some other type of electronics, please let me know.  Devon says her DSi doesn't count, it's not "real electronics"....even though I thought you could access the internet on it.  Not so?  Good thing I have a bit of time for this one.  Makes her Disney wish this past year seem simple!

Tomorrow is spring cleaning day at our synagogue, and yes, I am volunteering to help clean out closets and organize supplies.  No comments, please, that I should be doing this at home instead of at Temple Israel.  The temple will be so much easier to do!  An I'm a sucker for volunteering.  I didn't win volunteer of the year (not that I expected to), but I did get Outstanding Volunteer.  Yea, me!  I don't really do it for the recognition, although recognition is always nice. I like feeling that I am helping out, someone, somewhere.

When Aubrey and I stopped at the supermarket today, the Citizens on Patrol people were there trying to recruit volunteers.  She and I decided this might be a fun thing to add to my list of volunteer activities.  Not the actual Citizens on Patrol, that requires 3 hours a week which I don't see me having, but their auxiliary, which only requires 3 hours a month.  I won't get to drive around doing patrols (bummer), but I could help out at special events, as needed.  And we're getting introduced to a new organization in May that sounds great, too.  One of the things I love about our synagogue is that a "mitzvah" project is required as part of the preparation for your bar or bat mitzvah.  A mitzvah is usually translated as a good deed but it is really more than that, it is an obligation, a responsibility, a commandment.  There are lots of them listed in The Torah and spelled out over the ages by the rabbis (613 I believe), and they include things like visiting the sick, feeding the hungry, lighting candles for the Sabbath and Hanukkah. and so on.  One of the kids' upcoming projects is at an organization called Feeding Children Everywhere and the project is to prepare 10,000 meals for local distribution.  (I may have mentioned this before.)  The organization makes an actual meal, and when you volunteer there you are helping to create this meal through sort of an assembly-line operation, where each person puts a different ingredient into the meal bag.  The older kids from the religious school will all be participating, and I've already registered to help out as well.  I think it's a good match for our family, since the girls and I regularly volunteer at Second Harvest Food Bank, the regional distribution center and part of Feeding America.  That's an operation on a huge scale, where they supply food to a few hundred pantries and kitchens throughout several counties.  This is similar, in that the meals we prepare will go to a local food pantry for distribution to needy families.  I'm hoping that these experiences will help the girls be more aware of both the need and the wastefulness in our society.  They're young, and they haven't personally experienced it (real hunger, that is, they definitely have experienced wastefulness!), so I'm trying to open their eyes a little to the world around them.  They love going to volunteer with me because it's fun, but little by little I see the lessons sinking in.  (And I mean LITTLE so far.)  What can I say?  They're bright, but slow learners.

Anyhow, I better get to sleep so I have energy for cleaning tomorrow.  Who knows, I might come home inspired to work on my own house - or car!  (So long as it's not too cold outside, that is.)

Today's Ups and Downs

All I have to say about today is that it ended as it began and I'm glad it's over.

After spending last night crying her heart out because she's not going to earn the scooter as a prize for the current let's-ask-everyone-we-know-for-money activity the school is running (she'd have to raise almost a thousand dollars!), Devon was pretty calm about it today.  She got the prizes today that were "earned" for the amount of money she's been pledged, and she was pretty happy about that.  She wants more prizes, of course, and briefly mentioned that she needed to call more people, but got distracted almost immediately and went out to play.  Aubrey, bless her heart, never even remembered to bring her school's fund-raiser booklet home when they had theirs in the fall.  And they only have the one.  It feels like Devon's school has fund-raisers every time we turn around.

I explained to Devon that she was not going to get the scooter, it takes a LOT of money to get it and people have supported her in a lot of stuff this year.  You can't keep asking people for money, you know?  She started asking why they have so many fund-raisers then.  Hmmm, good question.  My objection is that they make the prizes look so good - the high value ones, anyway, and I would think it's got to be not more than maybe 5% of the kids that earn them.  But how do you explain to a little kid how much she would have to be pledged to earn the iPad or scooter or the week-end at the Nickelodeon Hotel?  All the kids see are these pictures of the prizes....where is the lesson on what they're raising money for?  Devon couldn't answer that question when her grandfather asked her.

So, Devon lost the use of her bike for today after kicking me last night.  Not a hard kick, barely touched me, but it's the principal of the thing.  You can't go around kicking people when you don't get your way.  Can you?  She begged me to let her ride it,  just take away tv instead, but no, I stuck to my guns and it was no bike.  It needs to make an impression, right? or what's the point?  Aubrey has lost the use of her bike for tomorrow.  I probably should have picked something else since I don't know that she'll even be home with any time to ride a bike tomorrow, but that's what I said, so that's what we'll live with.  My daughters do not listen to me.  Aubrey is supposed to be home by 8:30 pm.  She decided that, since it is her spring break, she could stay out longer, say until 9, at least.  I did not agree to this, and at 8:40 commenced looking for her. Not a hard task, I had a good idea of where she might be, but that is not the point.  I find Aubrey, have a brief  "discussion" about what time she is to be home.....8:30 regardless, she still has to get up early in the morning...and she comes in.  She is supposed to be coming in to take a shower (much needed) and get ready for bed.  What she does is comes in, says I'm taking the dog out and leaves again.  Excuse me?  After 10 minutes, when she has not returned with the dog (that is all it takes to bike around our neighborhood) I once again head out to look for her.  Not happy.  "Ask me why I'm not happy, Bob."  Need I elaborate? So Aubrey has no bike for tomorrow.

I am really trying to be consistent and firm and have actual unpleasant repercussions....you know, be the mean mommy they say I am.  They just do not listen to me.  I had to walk away from Devon tonight - I could not think of a way to get her to listen and do what she needed to do!  Poor Ron, with his head still hurting, had to deal with her.  Which, of course, leads to poor Devon, because Daddy has zero tolerance for anything especially when he is not feeling well and let's just say he got her in the shower but she was not a happy person while there or when she got out.  I guess picking her up and placing her in the shower was a solution.  Is her unhappiness with this turn of events enough of a repercussion that no "punishment" for the bad listening is needed?  I'm not sure.

I am really pathetically bad at discipline and consistency and coming up with logical repercussions.  Did I tell you that Ron and I took a parenting course last year?  It was done by a therapist we know and was intended to help teach parents how to deal with difficult children.  Ron took it first and thought it was worth my taking it.  I failed the class.  Partly, I think I just had a problem with some of what the teacher was telling us, and I think I didn't take it seriously enough but mostly it was because when we had to seriously answer with ideas for natural and logical repercussions, and discuss the importance of consistency and never changing your answer once you've given it, I just couldn't do those things. I know I shouldn't say I "can't" do them, but it does seem that way.  So I failed parenting class.  No wonder my daughters think they rule the roost.  I think Ron believes that too.  I am the only one who doesn't think that. Do I live in a fantasy world?  I don't think so. I mean, one:  my fantasy world would look like Willie Wonka's factory, not the messy chaotic house I currently live in. Two:  the girls always have explanations for why they think their way of ding it is best or why they didn't listen in a particular instance.  Ron gets frustrated with me because I will actually listen to the girls' stories and reasoning.  Should I not?  Three: the girls do understand about appropriate behavior.  They always get rave reviews after spending time at other people's houses.  Which to me means that somewhere along the way they've learned what's appropriate and what's not, and I like to think I had something to do with that.  They listen to others (I guess that actually works against me in terms of who runs this particular house!)  But they do, on occasion, do what they are supposed to and actually listen.  Just not as often as they really need to - in my opinion, and most definitely in Ron's opinion.  So, is this a control issue?  Or just bad parenting?  I need to find a way to focus on the good things, the happy, lovely moments, and just enjoy them whenever I can.  Do not call me Pollyanna!  I really do love them a lot and want them to be happy and enjoy their childhood....I hate to think I'm the cause of them not being happy or enjoying their childhood. Are they going to spend a fortune and the rest of their lives in therapy talking about their mommie dearest?  I sure hope not!

Anyway, it's day two of diminished caffeine and I think I'm going to sign off and go to bed before I lose my good intentions and feelings of tiredness and move on to another topic.  At least tomorrow's Friday! :)

The best laid plans

I had a plan for how this day was going to end.  I told my boss first thing this morning that I was going to go caffeine-less so I could maybe get to sleep at a decent hour.  Well, I did make it through the day drinking my caffeine-free tea, but am not going to make it to bed early (obviously).

I actually cooked dinner tonight - yea! Of course, Ron was in bed with a headache, so he didn't get any, but since the girls almost finished it all by themselves, it all worked out.  Even cleaned up while I cooked so when dinner was done, the kitchen was clean.  Not a typical occurrence I guarantee you.  And that's the end of the evening as I planned it.  Aubrey and Devon went out to play, not a problem, with Devon being told to be home at 8 to shower and get ready for bed.  8:00 comes and I'm getting ready to go look for her to come in when Aubrey comes in, crying, holding her head in one hand and her other arm at a bent, somewhat odd angle.  Uh oh.

Apparently, she was playing basketball with some friends and, you won't believe this, one of them stepped on her untied shoelace and tripped her!  She fell, hitting her head and catching herself on her elbow.  Ouch! Thinking that the local walk-in orthopedic clinic stays open until 8:30, she and I race to the car to try to get squeezed in.  Devon decides she needs to come, not welcome, so we spend a solid minute prying her out of the car so we can go - driving off with a crying Devon sitting pitifully on grass next to the driveway.  She so knows how to break my heart.  Apparently, she mostly calmed down pretty quickly because she called a few minutes later wanting to know what would happen if she's asleep when I get home.  I told her I wold cover her face with kisses, and that that would be okay,,. so long as she got in the shower NOW.  Okay, Mommy, love you.  How convenient that she forgot that she kicked me as I was getting in the car after removing her from it!  But I don't want a punishment.....who would?!  She lost her bike for tomorrow.

We are making good time to the ortho clinic when I realize my left headlight is not working.  Skipping the original story, I jump out when we get a red light and give the light a good smack.  On it comes.  The guy in the car next to us at the light was ROLLING, and Aubrey and I could see him laughing and gesturing like he was hitting a headlight.  Aubrey begged me to burn rubber getting away from them, she was embarrassed. - but also laughing  I thought it was hysterical.  I'm hoping it's just a loose wire making my headlight pretend to be blinkers (it works, it doesn't work, it works, you get the picture).  Red light turns green and we make it to the clinic at 8:20.  Unfortunately, they closed at 8.  Big sigh.  Off to the next stop, an urgent care facility. Aubrey, of course, asks to go to the one in Altamonte, not the one right near where we are.  Since it is actually a better clinic, I agree and once again we're off.  Arriving at the clinic about a quarter to 9, we are dismayed by the number of cars in the parking lot.  However, there are not a lot of people in the waiting room, which we foolishly take as a good sign.  Another good sign, we assume, is that the people right before us leave when told how much their co-pay would be.  After a half hour or so, we get taken to our assigned cubicle to wait.  And wait.  And wait.finally get seen at 10:45 at which time the doctor decides he needs to do an x-ray.  Not unexpected.  He goes to see the next patient while we get the x-ray done.  Also not unexpected.  It takes what feels like forever....do I need to say it?  Not unexpected.   When the doctor comes in with the good news that nothing is broken,, she might have a sprain, some bruising, and he wants to wrap and sling her arm, it is now after 11. Aubrey at this point, of course, is feeling much better, so of course, she's riding tomorrow.  I don't think so!

11:40 we walk in the door.  Aubrey asks me to put her to bed - glad to do it, sweetie!  I get her all settled, pop into Devon's room to plant so kisses on a sleeping girl and what do I find? No Devon.  Damn.  That means she's asleep in my bed.  Not only do i not feel like lifting up my heavy when she sleeps child to move her, I hate the thought of taking her out of a warm bed and putting her on the cold couch.   And there is no way I could possibly get her upstairs to her room!  To top it off, Ron is sleeping quietly next to Devon - no snoring!  How come I never get a quiet night with no snoring?

So, here I am, on the couch, up later than I had planned, tying away while watching tv (Property Brothers tonight).  I can hear my mother laughing.  Man plans, God laughs.

The choices we make

I was going to say that I don't understand how Ron can watch The Matrix and the Bourne movies to help him fall asleep, but then it occurred to me that I watch Criminal Minds, so who am I to talk?  I'm trying something different tonight, watching The Voice while I let my mind run free and my fingers type whatever they feel like typing.....so excuse the typos!

I think The Voice is so much better than Idol (don't shoot me!).  When I've seen Idol I'm always amazed that the judges like the performances...I've actually cringed and thought there's no way this person can stay on the show, that was awful and then the judges go on and on about how wonderful that person is.  I am so clueless!  On The Voice, I really enjoy the performances and think the people are so talented.  I wish I could sing.  I sing for me, but try not to sing in front of others to spare their hearing.  My bucket list contains singing lessons.

I don't have a huge bucket list, not even a real bucket list, but there are things I've always wanted to do.  I told my 22 year old niece that I envy her in some ways because she's already done, at her young age, things that I've always wanted to do.  Almost makes me want to go back in time....almost, but there's actually not enough money in the world to get me to go back in time and relive my youth!  And if I ever forget that, all I have to to do is look at the world Aubrey and Devon are growing up in, and how they are being forced to grow up so fast, Inappropriately so, and sometimes I feel helpless to battle that.   I mean, look at the biggest movie that is out right now - Divergent.  We read the book with Aubrey on the recommendation of a friend, and I really though it is too old for her.  But she's at that "tween" age (when did 11-12 become its own age group?) and everyone else she knows is reading these books and seeing these films...do we make her not fit in?  I didn't let her see The Hunger Games for a long time, which made her crazy because all of her friends had seen it.

And don't get me started on Devon.  When Aubrey was Devon's age, I think we were still listening to "Wee Sing" cds in the car, not songs with lyrics like "talk dirty to me".  And I doubt Aubrey knew much about the people singing any of the songs she may have listened to, either, as opposed to Devon and Aubrey discussing Justin Bieber's latest tattoo or Miley Cyrus straddling a wrecking ball ("gross" according to Devon).  Aren't first graders still supposed to have some innocence left?  I know second children grow up faster than first children, just by nature of being exposed to the older sibling's world, but Katy Perry shooting whipped cream out of her bra, really?  I don't think I'm even old enough for that!

And what's going on with our schools?  How many different fund raisers can they ask us to support, and they encourage the kids to put so much pressure on themselves and us as parents so that they can "earn" those prizes.  Those damn prizes.  And it's everywhere, it's pervasive, and it's all "made in China" garbage that we wouldn't buy if we saw it in a store but the kids have to have it when they see it in their little fundraiser flyer they bring home. I'll put catalogs out for people at work to look through, and send emails to family, but no one is under any obligation to buy anything they don't truly want.  And I hope - and think - my co-workers do the same.  And the constant fundraisers?  How many times can you ask people to give money and for what causes?  And they are helping make the kids be even more materialistic - do the kids even know what they are raising funds for?  Devon and I had a long talk about the last school fundraiser before she was allowed to ask anyone to sponsor her (jump rope for heart).  Now, it's the Boosterthon - doesn't that raise money for the school?  But they're sneaky this year, and have added in a donation to a Second Harvest program if you raise a certain amount of money.

Fun with potatoes

That's why I think it is so important to have the kids get involved in community service, even at Devon's age. And to be involved at our synagogue also.  We went to Second Harvest tonight, with Isabella (of course) and one of Isabella's brothers, for our monthly donation sorting. Devon would like to go more often, but they only allow children under age 10 to come on special Family Nights, which they typically have once a month. Tonight was potatoes (again), which is an exhausting product to sort and package, but fun nevertheless.  We were at a giant sack with some newcomers to Second Harvest and they asked what else we had done, was it always potatoes?  The girls had a good time listing all of the different things they've done there.  I love taking them, I just wish they made a little more connection to what Second Harvest does....but that will come in time, I know.  I'm actually starting to see glimpses of that happening when we go now, which is great.

Another hopeful sign for me is that Devon is very vocal about something being "not appropriate" for her, using, of course, her standards.  I wish I could convince Aubrey that some of the stuff she watches, and does, is not appropriate for her.  I don't even know how she gets introduced to some of the stuff she wants to watch!  And, I'm sorry, but I really hate funny video shows where you just know that someone had to get hurt in that video, or pranks...what's funny in a prank?  I don't know anyone who enjoys being embarrassed.

So, I will continue to wage my personal battle against today's anti-innocence materialistic culture (not that I'm not somewhat materialistic myself).  So, I'm not sure whether that makes me Neo or Jason Bourne here.....but so long as I'm not one of the sociopaths on my show I think I'm in good shape.

Can I help you?

What is it about me that encourages people to ask me for favors?  And I mean big favors, and usually from people that I am not that close to.  We watched our neighbor's dog for a month while they were away last year - and it was only after we had said we would do it, and felt committed, that we thought, you know, they have a lot of friends that they are close to, we barely know them, why did they ask us?

The parents of one of Aubrey's friends had to move with very short notice into a temporary place to live, and could not take all of their pets with them.  We're friendly with them, and have exchanged small favors back and forth over the past year.  Could we keep 2 of their dogs, and their daughter, for the week-end?  Absolutely, not a problem.  Come the end of the week-end, the daughter and one dog left, but we still had an extra (not housebroken) dog at our house until I finally called and asked them to come pick him up later that week.  Did we love having Aubrey's friend come stay the week-end? Absolutely.  Did we enjoy the dogs?  Mostly.

So today, a friend's cousin who we know, not super close, but we're always happy to see him, asked if he could move in with us for a few months while he gets on his feet.  A nice young man, just got his first paying job and doesn't have anywhere to live.  It's going to break my heart to say no, but I don't see how we can do it.  The girls, of course, overheard him talking to me and have already rearranged their rooms to accommodate his moving in.

But my question remains.....what is it about us, about me, that makes people I don't even really know all that well ask me for what are really tremendous favors?  I know how to say no, although I do seem to have a hard time with it.  Ron is much better at it than I am, but even he agreed to the favors - I would never have taken in the pets without his agreeing to it.  But even he wonders.

Is this trait a good thing, do you think? Maybe there really is something about me....like the old "kick me" signs that got put on unsuspecting people's backs....something that says I'm a glutton for punishment, as the saying goes, and just can't say no.  I hate to think that's right, though.  But where is the line between doing someone a favor and being used?  It seems like the people who we help out can never return the favor, and the people who do help us never need a favor in return. And this is not to say that people don't do nice things for us - we do have people who are generous with us and who do us favors.....usually without expecting anything in return. Does reciprocity ever come into play?  Or are we paying it forward?  That's a lesson I wouldn't mind teaching the girls. How can I tell?  Is it a fine line or am I missing some clearly delineating aspects between being a doormat and letting people use you or being someone helpful?  I just don't know.

So, even though my house is a mess, please wipe your feet before you walk all over me, I mean, come in.

Scenes from a movie, I mean my life

Tonight at dinner I felt like I was living a scene out of The Miracle Worker.  You know the one where Helen grabs food off the dinner table and starts eating it with her hands?  That was Devon at the restaurant tonight. Where did she learn that that behavior is acceptable?  Certainly not from Ron and me!

Sometimes I think our lives are just reenactments of scenes from movies.  Tonight's was a classic case, although I give it a thumbs down for actually living it in real life.  And thank God it was just tired behavior, not really something tragic like Helen Keller's disabilities.

One of the things that first attracted me to Ron was his knowledge of movies and being able to use one-liners and recognize scenes from a variety of genres.  Little did I know that that would be our life.   When we first started dating, it was the musical number "I have often walked down this street before" (My Fair Lady)...since he had been in my neighborhood a lot his whole life.   And maybe this is why I so often have a feeling of deja vu - it's because my life is just reinventing already acted scenes.

Lines from movies and tv shows pop into my head at the oddest times, and not everybody gets the references - especially if it's an obscure or older film.  Ron is great - he usually gets my references and has been known to beat me to the punch in throwing one out.  And it can be stupid things, too, like just the phrase "two weeks".  An innocuous phrase, commonly used, yet it can crack me up at the thought of it.  My mind almost always go to the scene in Total Recall when Arnold is going though customs.

Remember I started listening to NPR to try to become more knowledgeable and interesting?  I don't think it's working.  I don't get a lot of news related information when I tune it in.  In fact, the other day, I got a contest between two people in some show business related profession and they had to name the action/adventure movie that a quote/scene came from.  I only got one wrong - I need to go watch the movie  Cobra - but I was rolling!  I practically had tears from laughing so hard - the people acted out the scene, giving you an intro that practically gave away the movie and then they did a hilarious job with the lines.  I wish I could have restarted the program so I could have heard the whole thing.  (When will we be able to rewind radio?)  And they used some of my favorite lines, too - one of my all time favorites is from Kindergarten Cop when Arnold is telling the kids he has a headache.  I have been known to use this line, doing, of course, my best Arnold impression. Sadly, few people get it.  Oh, well, good thing I have no plans to quit my day job.

So dinner tonight was a mix of frustrating and enjoyable.  It was late, too late, really, and we shouldn't have gone out, but we did, so we had tired girls.  Tired girls means no sense of humor, and less than stellar behavior.  What a surprise!  I had a slight headache to start with and for some reason the acetominophen what the @#$! Tylenol I keep in my purse is gone.  As is my pen, but I digress.  So, alas, no headache remedy for me.   I finally got to the point where I wasn't snapping at the girls and then Ron goes and makes a feeble attempt to tease Devon (remember, no sense of humor now) so she starts crying.  I try to make amends for him, explaining Daddy was just trying to tease her a little, but she is inconsolable.  Bad Daddy! Of course, a few minutes later, all is forgotten and we go back to impatiently waiting for our food.

It's Sunday, so I went grocery shopping today.  My receipt looked like the one from Yours, Mine and Ours (the original, with Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda).  Very long, which actually made me feel good about the amount of money I was paying since I got a decent amount of food for it.  How often does that happen?! Then I had to figure out how to load it all into the trunk of Ron's Hyundai, which I was annoyed I had, because he left the house before me and took the van...with my coupons and shopping bags and my comfortable seat in it. So I was left driving his low piece of junk to the store.  I have never liked that car!  In fact, I was forced to call him and ask why he took my automobile ....when you hear that word, can't you just hear the word automobile go up at the end (au-to-mo-beeeeel?) just like in Sixteen Candles?  

So the shopping is done, most of the groceries are put away, the dog is whining because no one played with her much this week-end (I actually do feel badly about that) and Ron and his mother are working on the jigsaw puzzle but I think not happily collaborating.  It seems like I hear more complaints than happy conversation - yet another reason why I prefer to work on them alone - and time is going by and they had a late lunch but it is getting later so I nicely ask if we are going to do anything for dinner, it is approaching 7...This week-end we seem to be on the late dining plan, which was fine for Friday and Saturday, but tonight was a school night.  We had sleeping girls on the way home from the restaurant.  Isabella is completely dead weight when she is asleep.  And, of course, she and Devon are in the way back row of the van, so it is extra difficult to get them out when we get home.  I wish someone could have filmed me getting her out of the car - I could have won the $10,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos.  Well, I managed to get her out without hurting her, barely waking her in fact, and into the house so I could deliver her to her mother.  That, of course, is when she woke up enough to be helpful.  Thank goodness Devon is easier to maneuver!

Tomorrow school starts again for the little girls, and Aubrey is on her Spring break.  She's home with Grandma for the day, and Devon gets to ride her bike home since there will be someone here.  Aubrey wanted to show Grandma how well she rides horses, but we could not coordinate getting them to the barn, etc, especially since my mother-in-law won't drive around here.  She doesn't drive anywhere she hasn't been. It took me a while to fully understand that concept, but now that I do, I don't really have a problem with it. She would be very stressed driving someplace completely unknown to her and you can't fault her for that.  I just feel badly sometimes about it because it means that when she comes to visit there isn't really anything other than going to the pool for her to do with the girls.  And they did go to the pool today, too.  The girls said the water is warm, but not warm enough for me.  That I believe!  Anyhow, between the pool and riding bikes and just normal playing, the girls wore themselves out - and Ron and Grandma, too!  They went to bed as soon as we got home from dinner, too.  So, just like usual, it's Aubrey and I who are still up....although I'm getting tired now, too, so soon it'll be just Aubrey who's up.  And that's not good, because every movie I can think of that has a teen (well, she's a tween, but close enough!) up late by themselves, doesn't end well....

We should be all right - she's camped out on the floor of my room, making just enough noise to irritate Ron and remind us that she's there.  Safe for another night.  So long as we don't feed her or get her wet after midnight.

Because I'm an adult

I've decided that Ron is right and not everything he and I do has to be a behavior modeled for the kids. This comes up because I frequently yell at him for doing things that he would be incensed by if the kids did it, and tonight, I am pulling that on Aubrey.  Yes, I am using the computer while watching tv.  This rule really came about when we got the iPad, and mostly because the girls would fight about what to watch and who got to play, so we said you only got to do one thing, the tv or the computer/iPad.  So naturally Aubrey threw that back at me tonight since I turned off her show (it's being recorded) to watch what I want to see and I am using the computer, too.  She asked for the iPad, which I did say she could use, but she'll only use it if I get it for her, and that's not happening.

We spent the day at the mall.  Got to be one of my least favorite things to do.  I have never enjoyed shopping or walking around malls, but that is what Aubrey and my mother-in-law wanted to do, so that's what we did.  Ron was not in love with this activity either, but somehow they outvoted us.  Devon did not have to go with us, she went to her twin's house before I was even up this morning and we haven't seen her since.  Ron and I did comment halfway through the shopping that we were glad we didn't bring her with us. She would not have been a happy girl, especially since we were not shopping at all for her.  She has more clothes than we can fit into her room.  It all worked out, though, Aubrey got a lot of new clothes - and 2 pairs of shoes - thank you, Grandma! and I even got a couple of new things.

I always feel so guilty leaving the dog home alone for long periods on the week-end.  She's alone so much during the week and we get greeted with such a happy, tail-wagging, exuberant welcome whenever we come home.  And she loves to go for rides in the car.  Anytime she runs outside with us she heads straight for the car, so hopeful.  Maybe we'll get a chance to take her to the dog park tomorrow, she'll like that.  I love watching her when she has room to really get some speed up and run.  So joyous!

And the cats love it when we take the dog out.  I'm sure they're always hoping that we won't bring her back, too! Poor terrorized kitties.  Rosalie and Max have seemed to come to terms with Bella, they pretty much just ignore her most of the time and Bella will approach them on occasion but doesn't really bother them. Desi, on the other hand, knows that Bella thinks of him as a potential playmate, or better yet chew toy, and wants no part of this dog which is 4 times his size with sharp teeth and a hard bite.  Sometimes we don't even know Desi is in the room with us until we hear his low rumbling growl when Bella enters the room.  Silly cat doesn't realize he's giving himself away.

I think the visit with Grandma is going okay.  The girls each played Monopoly with her, which they mostly enjoyed - they played with her separately so there was no inter-girl fighting, always a good thing.  Tonight, she started working on a jigsaw puzzle with Ron.  It's a good short time period activity for him, which I think frustrates his mother because she could sit and work on it for a l-o-n-g time.  I love to do them, too, but will pass on it this time.  I really like to do them by myself.  Devon has discovered jigsaw puzzles and actually got a prize at aftercare one day for completing their toughest one all by herself.  I'm very proud of her, and I was surprised because she never really liked to do puzzles much at home.  Aubrey's hit or miss, sometimes she likes them, sometimes not/  I think she finds them frustrating, which we all know they can be!

Well, we'll see what tomorrow brings.  We had thought we might go to the zoo today but the day got away from us and it got too late to go.  Maybe tomorrow if the weather is just right.  Unfortunately, we're all feeling the heavy pollen count these days, even without diagnosed allergies.  Aubrey can't stop sneezing and Devon has a cough.....but this shall pass, at least for a while, and soon, I hope.

What I really wish would pass is the arguing and tension and anger that fills our house so much of the time. It's just not in my nature to be rigid, but that makes Ron feel like I let the girls get away with everything, which I disagree about.  What can I say?  I believe in exceptions and earning back and moving forward without staying angry or holding a grudge.  I've never been able to maintain anger or hold a grudge and I consider that one of my better attributes.  Ron seems to hold onto things and it's straw after straw and then the camel's back doesn't even have to break, it just has to hurt, and boom!  And I guess I just don't feel that strongly about some of the things that seem really important to him, and I don't go out of my way to undermine him on these things, but some of them I really don't understand why they have to be so rigidly adhered to.  Why can there not be flexibility?  What things have to really be rigid and unyielding and can never have exceptions made?  Maybe this goes back to differences in upbringing.  We only had a couple of things that were absolutely rigid and there were really good reasons for this...such as never touching Dad's guns......and we pretty much understood the rules and the reasons and that was that.  And maybe we can't do that anymore, there's no such thing in today's parenting, it seems, as "because I said so, that's why" and that being the end of it.  Is it my fault that the kids want a better reason than that?  Yes, sometimes I think there should be some blind obedience, but I would rather have the questions and understanding and if I can't come up with a good reason for a rule, maybe it shouldn't be a rule. But then, who decides if the reason is good enough?  Well, that would be Ron and  me, in our family, but does one of us get more votes than the other?  What things can be compromised on, or should be compromised on?  Am I too lenient in things that I should have been stricter on?  Should I be more rigid?  Should there be no questioning what we, as parents, say and do, no compromise, no changes in rules?  I have no clue.  Was my selfishness in watching what I wanted on the tv while working on the computer okay to model for my child?

So anyway, yes, we are role models and yes, we can do things our kids are not allowed to do, and yes, that's just the way it is.  






I

Late to bed and late to rise makes a girl.....no, that's not how it goes

I'd like to complain about the girls not going to sleep at a reasonable hour, but it's really the pot calling the kettle black - I don't go to sleep at a reasonable hour either.  Of course, I'm an adult...or at least I'm old enough to be considered an adult.  And they should be tired....they get up relatively early, they get out in the fresh air and get a good amount of exercise, yet, on a nightly basis they are t-o-u-g-h to get to bed at night. Some nights I catch them early enough and get them to take a melatonin....but once it hits 8:30 it's really too late if we want to be able to get them up in the morning.  Ron is frequently the first one asleep, and about 99% of the time the first one up.  Aubrey is 99% of the time the last one up.  I'd love for her to actually have breakfast in the morning, but she refuses to get out of bed in time to actually eat something before leaving the house.  This is not ideal....not to mention that she is frequently what we lovingly refer to as an Aubrey-monster.  So far, her growl has been worse than her bite, but that's probably because we stay out of reach. If we can get Devon to bed at a somewhat reasonable hour, she wakes up on her own....not necessarily cooperative, but typically more happy than not.

Meanwhile, once the girls are finally down for the night, I get to work on preparing lunches for the next day, unburying our bed from any laundry that got dumped there, probably a bit of mess in the kitchen and some relaxing time, time for me.  If I have to choose, I usually ignore the kitchen mess and leave it for the next day. Not happy about this but otherwise I'd have zero time for me to relax before going to bed.....and then when would I write my blog?

Anyhow, I love when the house is quiet and dark.  I can hear the train when it goes by, even though it's not really that close.  And I love that sound, it reminds me of my parents' house.  I used to lie in bed at night and listen for the train - I believe it went by at midnight.....seems like we have history repeating itself in terms of going to sleep at a reasonable hour, doesn't it?  Oh well.  maybe they'll learn to appreciate the late quiet nights when they're older, too.

So, Ron took Aubrey to the doctor today, and we found out that she has lost 6 pounds.  Yea!  I'm half surprised and half not surprised.  She's very active, riding her bike for miles and hours a day.  On the other hand, if it's not locked away she eats it.  Anyhow, to celebrate the loss of the weight, she and Ron went out to Menchies and got frozen yogurt.  Explain that to me, would you?

My mother-in-law arrives for a visit tomorrow night.  She only ever comes for short visits, 5 days max.  This is working out well timing wise because she'll be here for Friday with both girls and then Monday with just Aubrey before she leaves on Tuesday.  Hopefully, we'll have good weather and get to do something fun over the week-end.  There is no Sunday school, which the girls will be excited about, but Aubrey does have to go to services with me on Saturday since it's been a couple of weeks since she's been.  That'll work out because Grandma can have some alone time with Devon.  Of course, tomorrow night is major cleaning mode - Aubrey says her room is ready but there is no way that is true and I always like to do the bathroom the day she comes to make sure it's actually usable.  The upstairs bathroom has to be the smallest, worst designed bathroom I've ever come across.  Our apartment in Queens had a small master bath, but this one is ridiculous.  And I don't understand why they built it this way.  It is in between the girls' rooms, and Devon's room is a very large room which could have easily lost a foot to make the bathroom a decent size.  You can practically not turn around in it - there's not even a logical place for a toilet paper holder!  They literally put it about 6 inches from the floor behind the toilet.  You couldn't reach the paper when using the toilet if you actually used the holder to hold the roll!  Anyhow, the girls complain about something related to this bathroom almost everyday, but guests don't.  I guess they know they don't have to live with it permanently and just make do.

I got a plaque in the mail today.  Completely unexpected.  It came from the home office, no note or anything, but it is for "Outstanding Volunteer".   Nice, and I'll hang it up somewhere at work (I don't really have a good place near me, but we'll figure something out).  It is rewarding to be recognized for doing something you love, isn't it?  I don't volunteer for accolades, I do it because I enjoy it....it makes me feel good to be doing something to help others.  I would love to work for one of the organizations I volunteer at, or something similar, so that I feel like I am actually helping people, but non-profits are not known for their high salaries.  Not that I actually make a "high salary" but I definitely am not going anywhere where I'd make less!  And I love taking the girls with me, or even just showing them the importance of helping others.  Something I definitely feel strongly about modeling for them.  And I've gotten my office to volunteer as a group,  and am now working with the Orlando Hub to go as a group to volunteer for a charity I recently learned about.  I just love it!  And I take the girls with me when I can - they actually ask to go to Second Harvest Food Bank.  Doing something good and having fun at the same time....I love a win-win scenario.  And we usually take Devon's twin, Isabella and frequently Isabella's brothers, too.

Anyhow, you usually have to be at least 10 years old to volunteer at Second Harvest, but once a month they have a "family night" where you can be as young as 5. The girls have become known there and we're greeted like old friends when we go, which makes us all feel good.  We all look forward to going, so I keep checking their schedule and as soon as I see a Family Night listed I register for it.  And we do other things as well.  Aubrey and I volunteered for Pet Rescue by Judy, a local animal shelter that takes in animals from high kill shelters.  She's too young to volunteer for their normal activities but they allow her to help to when they have special events.  A few weeks ago, Aubrey and I assisted at a pet agility trial they were holding as a fund-raiser.  She seemed to really enjoy it, and we were lucky and had a beautiful day to be outside for several hours.

 The girls' openness to participating in different events with me makes me so proud and I feel like, finally, maybe I'm doing something right with them.

So, maybe my sleep pattern isn't something I'm happy they share with me but there are plenty of other things I'm thrilled to pass on.

There's 2 sides to everything

So, tonight, to relax, no kids around, I decided to watch some of the stuff I'd taped...do people still say taped?  Anyhow, first, Criminal Minds....nothing beats relaxing like watching a sadistic serial killer, right? Next, The Voice....  I feel a dichotomy coming on.

Everyone has so many different sides to their personality.  How do you know what the main, true one is?  Is there a "true" one?  I remember in grad school taking a class on group dynamics.  One of the exercises we did was to determine our role in the group.  Mine constantly changed, becoming whatever the group lacked, or needed.  In another class, on career counseling, we took a battery of personality and career inventories, to teach us how to advise people on career paths.  Highs on the batteries showed strengths or preferences,  Mine were always flat lines.  I began to feel like I have no personality, no interests....My grandmother would have agreed, she never understood what anybody saw in me....However, I was told that that the flat line does not mean no personality or interests, in fact it's just the opposite - lots of interests.  (We won't go into the whole personality thing.)

I never fit into any groups in school.  I had people I thought of as friends in each group, especially in high school, but I was never really a part of any particular one.  I liked this variety, although it would have been nice to have a primary social group to hang out with.  I still feel that way in some respects.  No main group of friends, really.  A friend here and a friend there, but not whole passel of people that I can call my own.  And I would love that....it's something I envy others.

Sometimes I really long for to have someone to call and say, hey, you want go hang out for a while?  or when there's an opportunity, to have a whole group of people to call and say let's go do this as a group. Never had, probably never will.  I've never made friends easily, and that is something I really appreciate in my daughters - they do.  Aubrey struggles with keeping them, due to a variety of issues,  but she has no difficulty at all in meeting people and having them become her friend.  My mother was the same way.  I remember one time, when I was visiting my parents in Yuma, I went to the grocery store with my mom.  The cashier said, oh, you must be Nancy!  My mother just never met a stranger.  Ron and I had guests at our wedding that were my mother's roommates in the hospital and at rehab - as well people from her youth.  Not just did she make friends easily, she kept them.  Such a gift!

And I work with someone like that, makes friends easily and keeps them....and I don't think she realizes how special that makes her and what a gift she has.  I know she appreciates her friends, but it's not the same thing..... I don't know how to make small talk, and I'm always so business oriented....so I naturally feel out of the loop because I don't know the social things about people typically unless it's something that somehow comes out around work.  This makes me feel boring and self-absorbed.  And it's not that I don't like or care about others, I do, I just don't know how to let my guard down I guess and let people in.  I think I function on a superficial level, sort of a conscious fugue state, where I'm awake but unaware of things going on around me.  There but not really a part of what's going on.

Maybe it's my multiple personalities.  I'm thinking of changing my name to Sybil.  (You know that was all a hoax, right?)  Maybe that's why I like having all the kids around - so there's activity and life in the house that I can't put there myself.   And it was a quiet house tonight.  Aubrey went out bike-riding since she was feeling much better after a day and a half home with some unnamed stomach ailment and Devon stayed with Isabella's family for the night.  It is soooooo quiet!  Even got Aubrey to bed at a reasonable hour, so maybe she won't be an Aubreymonster in the morning. The main downside to Devon sleeping over at a friend's house is my lack of bedtime loving.....I do love that and look forward to it each night.  I got some good loving from Aubrey, but it's more give than take with her - she is almost 12, after all.  Devon is still little and it's not embarrassing to have a mother. Aubrey can be very affectionate, but it has to be when she wants.   Devon hasn't quite learned that she has that power, but that knowledge will come soon, too soon for me.

So, with Ron snoring away in our room, Aubrey asleep in her bed, and Devon at a friends, I'm sitting here alone with the cats and dog and computer, watching what I want and typing away with no one to bother me... or keep me company.  Pluses and minuses, right?  So, yes, I'm feeling just a little guilty about how much I enjoyed my quiet evening. . . but not so much that I don't look forward to the next one.  :)

Tortitude

Anyone familiar with cats can tell you that Torties are known for their attitude (hence the phrase "tortitude"). We happen to have a beautiful Tortie, Rosalie  (yes, Richard, she is beautiful) who definitely exhibits the attitude her breed is known for.  For a long time, our other cats were very quiet and we called her our spokes-cat.  The others have since found their inner chihuahua (thank you, Beverly Hills Chihuahua), but she is absolutely the most vocal, and demanding, cat.  She can also be the most loving, climbing onto your lap and demanding to be petted or groomed or simply loved on.  Devon is a cat, and I think probably a Tortie as well.  Aubrey is more dog, although she says these days horse, and I am not as familiar with the characteristics of those animals to be able to pinpoint her specific breed.  I think, left to her own devices, however, as a dog, this is what she'd look like:

Maybe not the color, but the dreds?  Definitely! It's a Bergamasco-Sheepdog  And she shares many, but not all, of the characteristics of this breed, also.  Weird......  Aubrey objects to this description of her, but does not deny it.

Anyhow, I finished our taxes tonight, and, with e-filing, we're all done for this year.  YEA!!!  This is the first year in many I didn't apply for an extension.  It'll be our smallest refund, as well, since we don't own a house anymore, but still... done and a refund.  Win-win and life doesn't get a whole lot better than that!

The girls all had fun at the Purim carnival.  Devon loved  the ring toss - you could win a 2-liter bottle of soda - which she did, 4 times.  Aubrey won 4, Isabella 2 and Summer 2.  Needless to say, we came home with a lot to drink!  The girls, of course, each opened and drank from one of their bottles during the carnival...I think partly to make sure I didn't make them put some back!  Although somehow Aubrey managed to put one back (one of Devon's naturally) - altruistic in intent, perhaps - a little girl wanted to play and there were no more bottles left so she took one of Devon's....hmmmm.  Devon, need I say it?  was not a happy person because she noticed immediately that she was one short.  What to do about this?  I have yet to come up with a consequence I'm happy with, but Aubrey did give Devon one of hers to make up.    There were lots of other games to play, believe it or not.  I manned the lollipop tree (more popular than I'd expected), and there was face painting, throwing darts at balloons (surprisingly loud), matchbox car racing, etc plus a whole room of crafts.   And you could purchase a "goodie" bag which was the "Shalach Manot" project Aubrey's class at religious school made up.  Yes, we came home with much soda, 9 painted tiles, 5 bottles of sand art, plus the prizes that the girls "bought" with the tickets they collected for winning games.

Summer was disappointed she didn't win anything at the cake walk, but that was pretty much the only disappointment that I am aware of.  I was pleased with Aubrey's prize selections - she actually got ear-buds for her mp3 players, very useful.  Devon got a slinky as one of her prizes, but didn't believe me when I told her that swinging it around could break it.  It lasted about 1/2 hour before it got tossed into the garbage, irreparably twisted and kinked.  The jump rope is lasting longer, but may also find its way into the garbage if she jumps rope in the house again.  Isabella brought home a slew of head bands and pony tail holders (nicely useful) and Summer got a tiara and a really cute stuffed animal, which she unfortunately forgot at our house when she went home Sunday evening. Hopefully we can keep it away from Bella so it will still be in one piece when we see her next.  All in all, a good haul and I took home 4 happy girls.  Mission accomplished - and it only cost me a small fortune in game/food tickets.  I think money well spent, especially since I got one last Hamantaschen to eat for helping out.

I actually remembered to wear green today.  Not that it was really planned.....but it's a good thing, or I'd have been picked on at work.  Devon saved herself from getting pinched at camp by showing off the green in her underwear.  Clever girl.  I don't think I remember the whole getting pinched if you're not wearing green thing from my childhood.  Is that new?  And, being the good Irishwoman that I am (not!), I made a really delicious corned beef and cabbage with potatoes for dinner tonight.  Yum.  Of course, Aubrey announced last night she'd like to become a vegetarian.  Hard to do when you don't eat many vegetables (yes, I rolled my eyes, sorry!).  Devon didn't like the corned beef but she loved the cabbage.  Now, I could easily see Devon as a vegetarian, she likes most vegetables and could easily not eat meat without missing it except for maybe one or two things.  I'd actually like to reduce the meat we eat and have more vegetarian entrees except [1] I'm unimaginative in meal planning and [2] Aubrey doesn't really eat a lot of vegetables.  If she had announced she was only going to eat meat, that I would have had an easier time believing than her becoming a vegetarian.  Thank goodness Ron is easy to feed....anything goes.

Tomorrow evening we're actually going to my brother's house for dinner - we're invited because our cousins from South Florida will be here for the night and this way we'll get to see them.  Good timing, I have some clothes and stuff for the kids (they're the same age or younger than Devon and much littler in size than my tall girl), plus Hanukkah presents (yes, it was at Thanksgiving but hey, better late than never, right?) plus a birthday present (yes, that was also November).  Yes, I've heard of that thing called shipping.  But this way, I get to see the kids open them up.  Plus, a couple I picked out especially so they'd have them for this trip they're making, so it works out perfectly, if I do say so myself.   And, as a bonus, my cousin is bring Girl Scout cookies!  Woo hoo!!  I know - you're thinking, why did we order cookies from them since Devon is a Girl Scout, right?  Well, it just so happens that South Florida uses the other Girl Scout baker and had different cookies than we had in Central Florida.  Who knew?  My friend Gail wanted to order cookies from Devon that I first insisted weren't Girl Scout cookies but came to find out they were but were only available elsewhere...Fortunately, my cousin located 3 boxes of the cookie (Thank You Berry Munch) and Gail and I are excited to try them out.

Oh - my good new from a while back?  I was selected to be on the Client Associate (CA) Advisory Council for Wells Fargo Advisors.  Throughout the whole country, there are only 22 CAs who are on the Council at a given time.  I'm pretty excited about the opportunity, and am looking forward to both personal and professional growth from this over the next two years.  I get to go to the home office in St. Louis this summer, also.  My boss told me it's hot then, but there's no way it's going to be as hot as it is here, so take me away!

Plus, the Sisterhood at my synagogue has asked if I would be interested in being Vice President - Education for the next 1-2 years.   I was told the position isn't as bad as being the synagogue's Youth Chair (LOL).   I feel so popular these days I can't stand myself.  In fact, I might need to develop some Tortitude of my own.

A 3-day weekend is a good thing

I had yesterday off.  It was the first day of Devon's Spring Break and Aubrey's talent show which I wanted to go to, so I figured I would use some of my personal time off from work.  Was worth it, too.  Devon and I went out to breakfast, went to a church rummage sale  (her first and I had to drag her away), Aubrey's talent show,  Wal-Mart  and got to play a little.  I feel like one of those old Army commercials "we do more by 8 am than most people do all day" - remember those?

Aubrey at her school talent show

I was impressed at Aubrey's talent show on Friday.  She actually played the piano - a piece she wrote herself.  Too bad we couldn't see her play, only hear, but it was an upright piano with its back was to us, the audience.    I went to upload the video so you could hear but for some reason it only taped 8 seconds, the time it took her to walk to the piano.  Darn!  She had one of the better performances too - and I' not saying that because I'm biased, which I am, but because the band, for example, while technically good on their instruments  was excruciatingly loud.  And the girls who sang were somewhat painful to listen to.  I did really enjoy the ukelele performance and the break dancing was very enjoyable as well.  Thank heavens it's a small school :)

Aubrey was at a sleepover birthday party last night.  I was concerned she'd have one of her hard to get sleep nights, but it turns out she was actually the first one asleep.  Go figure!  First one up, too, so tonight she was, again, the first one asleep.  Said she didn't feel well, but I think she was just really tired - she was the first one up this morning and had riding this afternoon for a couple of hours.

I really enjoyed last night's services at our synagogue.  It occurred to me that I prefer Friday night services not just because they're shorter than Saturday morning services, but that the melodies feel, to me, more joyous, more upbeat. Maybe it's because we're welcoming the Sabbath, or maybe it's all in my head, but I do really like the service and find it a great start to the week-end and the upcoming week.  And I'm ignoring the fact that I usually go by myself, mainly because I don't think that's why I feel this way..I go to Sunday morning services each week by myself and don't feel the same way.  Anyhow, that was a lovely start to my weekend, and I've been looking forward to this weekend, because I love Purim - it's just so much fun, and when you're surrounded by kids having fun, to me the world lightens.

As pinky-promised, Devon and I baked for the cake walk at tomorrow's carnival - gluten-free brownies. Not that we need things to be gluten-free, but it seems like a lot of people at our synagogue do, so that's what we made.  She loves baking, both girls do, and this was an easy thing to do with her.  She did a good job breaking the eggs and melting the butter.  So cute.  It didn't take long and it made her so happy.  Win-win. Yea!

We have a full house tonight.  In addition to the usual inhabitants (4 people, 3 cats and 1 dog), we have 2 extra girls - one for each of mine.  Isabella is our usual weekend resident, and we have Summer again.  I love having the full house, despite the fact that [1] my girls are not always the best hosts and [2] Ron does not love having the full house.  He likes the kids, although when Isabella is here Devon's behavior is not at its best - maybe a little less listening and definitely more mess everywhere!  To me, I love having them around. Granted the house gets a lot noisier than I would prefer, but to me it beats silence.  And it will add to tomorrow's fun, since we're taking all 4 to the Purim carnival.  The younger girls, the "twins" spent a while trying costumes on tonight.  Summer wanted to, as well, but Aubrey wasn't into it.  We'll see what happens in the morning when it comes time to get dressed and get going.

And it is quiet now, all the girls are asleep, the dog's asleep and the cats are who knows where doing whatever it is cats do when there's no one around.  It feels weird to have the house this silent, even this late. Some nights I hear Devon talking in her sleep - which seems to be a family thing, I do it, her grandmother does it.  See?  a nice, multi-generational habit to keep passing down.  Freaks Aubrey out, though.  So far, so silent.  Wish I was tired so I could get some sleep while the house is quiet - but not to worry, Ron is going to sleep so the silence will end.  Then I'll be able to call it a night.

Today is Friday, right?

I think my favorite day of the week is Friday.  Not only is it the last day of work for two whole days, it's the last day of school for two whole days.  Plus, there's always the hope that it will be a nice week-end....the weather will be good and the girls will be good and we may actually get to do something fun as a family. Reality is that the girls are even busier on the week-end than they are during the week, and it is unlikely to happen unless I come up with something really special for us to do.  When I can, I like to go to Friday night services at the synagogue.  Since we got Aubrey's bat mitzvah date, she will occasionally be going with me, so she gets familiar with the service.  She has been going to Saturday morning services with me most weekends for the past few months.  Not happily, and not early, either - we miss the beginning of services every week but we're there for the parts she really needs to be there for.  But she doesn't sit still, so I'm not really sure how much of the service she's actually absorbing. You learn a lot of the services by attending, hearing the prayers, learning the melodies....I don't think she's grasped that concept.

This last week-end Aubrey was away, so we didn't get to do any whole family activities, but Ron, Devon and I took Bella to the dog park,  She and Devon had a good time running around, and when she conked out under the table, we came home.  It's been really beautiful out more often than not, and I love when the weather is like this - mostly 60s and 70s, sometimes hitting the low 80s.  I wish it was like this for more of the year, but then Florida would probably just be more crowded.  Richard, of course, knows how to ruin my love for this weather - he says it's the perfect temperature for cleaning out the garage.  Of course, he meant his garage, where a lot of our junk is right now, but still..... I wonder if Ron paid him to say that?  Too bad I know he's right (an annoying habit he has).

This coming weekend will be just as busy as any other - Aubrey has a sleepover birthday party at a friend's house Friday night to Saturday.  Devon will probably have a friend (her "twin" Isabella) sleep over so we'll still have 2 girls around.  The twins have horseback riding Saturday morning through the afternoon, and I am assuming that Aubrey will want to go riding Saturday afternoon as usual, especially since she missed it last week. If they're both riding for the afternoon, I may wind up crashing - it seems like at least once a month I have a Saturday afternoon where I literally cannot keep my eyes open - no matter what great plans I have, they're gone - poof!

Sunday is the Purim carnival at our temple, which should be a lot of fun. Purim is a really fun holiday where the kids get dressed up in costumes (many adults do, too) and the synagogue is having a carnival. I'm trying to talk Ron into helping set up, since I am sure he doesn't want to go to the megillah reading before the carnival (that's the telling of the story of the holiday and involves a LOT of noise).   Purim Carnival info   I'm volunteering at the carnival, so the girls will get to wander around and play whatever they want without my input (or saying no to a prize.)  I pre-bought tickets for the 3 girls (yes, we include Devon's twin in most outings) and I know Devon already has her eye on the prize of the 2-liter bottle of root beer we donated for the ring toss game.  Aubrey will probably go for the cake walk if they have anything good there. My favorite thing about Purim is the special cookie, for lack of a better word, that you get only at Purim.  Hamantaschen. Literally, Haman's pockets.  Haman is the bad guy of the story and why they named this awesome treat for him is beyond me, especially since one of the things about the holiday is that you're supposed to not remember his name.  (Don't ask.)  Anyway, they're very yummy and I hate to share them.

Anyhow, throw in a few loads of laundry and some grocery shopping for the upcoming week and all of a sudden the week-end is over and it's Monday morning and time for work and school...  but first, we have to awaken the monsters.  Well, to be honest, it's usually just one monster - an Aubrey-monster.  Devon typically wakes up pretty well and frequently on her own.  not so my Aubrey.....well, at least not during the week.  So, the week-end is over and it feels like it never got started.  What day is it again?

It's a bad, bad world

So once again my email got hacked.  I am SO annoyed!  I changed my email, we installed virus and malware detecting software on the phone and iPad and still.....I'm seriously considering giving up my yahoo email address.  So, to all of you who received phony emails from me, I am most sincerely sorry.   :(

So anyway, I deleted a bunch of apps from my phone.... Ron showed me this app that tells you what's on your phone that accesses your private information, email, accounts, etc.  I deleted a lot of stuff - mostly games Aubrey, in her infinite wisdom, saw fit to install without asking, but some of it was actually apps that came installed on the phone.  I don't know what they are, I don't use them, history!  And my sneaky sweetie....she gets herself in trouble.  I'm sitting with her at bedtime and, just before I go to leave her room, she asks me where my phone is.  Apropos of nothing, of course.  It was a good question....I said in my purse and she said no, it's not.  So I asked why she was in my purse.  I'll give her a lot of credit for quick thinking.  She said she noticed my purse was open when she walked by to go upstairs.  Just plausible enough that it could be true......and I had been walking around deleting apps, so he phone could have been anywhere.  So, instead of spending a lot of time looking for it, I decide to call it.  Quick find, right?  Except that I can't hear it ringing anywhere.  Hmmmm. Next thing I know, a crabby Aubrey is coming downstairs holding my phone, which had been in her room.  Hmm again.  How how did it get there?  Couldn't possibly be that Aubrey took it?  Of course not.  Took some doing but she finally admitted taking it (with Devon, of course) to play games.  Not only without permission, but after having been told not to touch it.  My phone now is password protected.

I hate having to do stuff like that.  I hate that the food I buy for lunch and snack for the girls has to be kept in a locked trunk - which still gets broken into, I might add.  I bought a quart of cherry tomatoes yesterday. Aubrey was home alone for not that long today and guess what?  They're almost gone.  Granted, I'd rather she eat tomatoes than cookies, but still, how do we teach what is a reasonable snack and appropriate servings/portion control?  I admit I'm not the best role model, but I don't consider most foods to be in single serving packages, no matter what the size.

And speaking of size, Aubrey received, on her 8th birthday, a Swiss army pocket knife from my parents. She has always loved this knife.  She want more knives, and bigger knives....I think I have my nephew to thank for that, although it could be partly my Dad....or at least that's what I thought until this weekend when her birth-mother whipped out a doozy of a knife!  Anyhow, she wants more and bigger.  Of course she does!  So, Devon goes to a fair sponsored by a friend's church.  The fair has a hunting theme (archery games, game to eat like boar, venison)....and comes home with one of the prizes they gave away pulling names out of a bowl....a knife.  And I don't mean a pocket knife, either.  It's got to be a good 4 inches long, camo outside, and it looks like you could use it to work on your kill when you go hunting.  Who gives knife like that to a 7 year old?  And of course all she wants to do is take it everywhere and show it off.  We finally convinced her that she could no take it to school - or anywhere else for that matter.  And all we hear from Aubrey is how unfair it is that she got a little tiny pocket knife when she was 8 and now she's 1 and Devon has a big knife and she still doesn't.  Well, I have Devon's knife and I have no plans to get Aubrey one like it anytime soon.

It seems like things are so different now than back when I was a kid.  I'm not talking about technology, although that certainly has changed.  But a child's life is exposed to so much more violence than we were.  No, I'm not talking the idyllic 50s.   I mean it seems like anywhere you look there's something violent built in - and it's not slapstick-like violence, either.  The novels kids read, the movies they watch, the video/computer games, even the cartoons, ....and then we wonder why our society has become so violent.  I truly believe that this constant exposure to violence helps the kids - and adults too - become inured to it.  It's so commonplace....are we heading back to a time like when Kitty Genovese was brutally murdered and nobody helped, only this time, not out of fear but out of our just not noticing?

I love that Devon still wants to watch shows that I consider age-appropriate.  And I enjoy watching them with her.  Aubrey is at a tough age - the "tween" years.....too old, at least in her opinion, for "kid" shows but not mature enough, really, to handle processing the violence in so much of what she is exposed to - even when it is not particularly graphic.  And don't get me started on sexual content.  I have no good solution.  If I don't let her read the books and watch the tv shows and movies, then she's ostracized, fits in even less with her peers.  So, how do I help her process what she's absorbing?  Well, aside from trying to find not-too-young wholesome family activities for us all to do, I wish I knew . . .

Nature vs Nurture

I always think that my girls are beautiful, and sometimes I can just sit and stare at them...typical parent, right? And definitely more beautiful than I could have created myself.  But today, at Devon's first grade concert, with her hair pulled back tightly away from her face, I noticed a definite family resemblance - she has the Herbach ears.....didn't think you could "inherit" stuff like that from nurture, only nature!  Devon's concert

Anyway, I have always found the discussion of nature vs nurture so interesting.  If I had had the brains for it, I could have happily pursued genetics as a field....of course, I would have had to actually take some science classes!  The most I took was a couple earth science classes.  I remember taking biology for a couple of weeks in 9th grade, but the day Mr. Cunningham (the BEST biology teacher) bounced a frog eyeball I dropped the class.  Never took any other type of science class after that either.

I wish I had inherited more of my mother's personality traits than I did.  She never met a stranger - I always admired that about her.  And Aubrey is the same way and always has been. But I am definitely more of my Dad than I am my Mom.  Except of course that I look like her more now that I'm heavy.  Must be partly the rounder face.  When I was thin I looked more like my Dad....not that he's thin anymore, but he's not fat either. And, of course, plastic surgery helped me look a little less like Dad also.  Hard to believe that that surgery was so long ago!  And the funny thing is, a couple of years ago, we were going through some old papers and found some scrapbook pages from my surgery - the date was April 8, 1980.  Guess I consider April 8th (subconsciously anyway) a good day, my wedding date was April 8th also.  If I had known at the time, we could have had a special happy anniversary announcement for my nose!

Anyhow, when it comes to arguing nature vs nurture, I'm amazed at some of the things that just must be nature....like the girls' love of tattoos.  They certainly didn't get that from Ron and me!  But their birth mother has quite a few, with plans to get more.  Of course, there are some things that you could argue either way....like stubbornness....and of course, where does bad parenting fall into this equation?  Can we take credit for the positive traits, the things we're happy about (nurture) and blame all the stuff we are unhappy about on genetics (nature)?  I wish!  It's so interesting, though, to see how similar in so many ways Aubrey is to her birth mother - and even more interesting is to watch them together. Devon is not quite so similar to her, although some people think there is a physical resemblance.  I don't see it, but that doesn't mean it's not there.

And how do you explain people who overcome all sorts of obstacles to achieve great things?  People who had no nurture to speak of and when you look at family history you don't see a whole lot of inspirational nature.  I wonder.  I wish it was easier to change one's nature.  I would love to be more outgoing, naturally friendly, easily make friends.  I so envy people like that!  And at times I try to push myself to be more outgoing, but it so unnatural and uncomfortable.  I'm working on becoming a more interesting person, though.  I've been listening to NPR in the morning  (is there anything going on in the world anywhere besides the Ukraine?), and reading books....I love to read!  Devon is a reader, and a jigsaw puzzle doer, too.  She got a prize at after-care for putting together their hardest puzzle.  She gets that from me.  :) and I got it from my mother, who also loved jigsaw puzzles.  Some of my best childhood memories are of the times we had a puzzle set up in the (at the time unfurnished) living room and you could go in and just put a piece in and walk on or sit for hours.  My Dad was more of the one-piece kind of puzzler.  When I was sick while we were living in NY, I had a puzzle set up on our dining room table and it made me feel better to work on it - and even just to see it there.  Ron used to mostly enjoy doing the fly-by, putting a piece in and walking away.   And he, too, likes to read, but Ron also really enjoys reading out loud, which is good, because Aubrey loves being read to.  Nice symbiotic relationship there.

So, how do you develop certain interests and talents and not others?  I know introversion in a born characteristic, but reading and jigsaw puzzles?  Is it because our parents read and did puzzles that we now enjoy reading and doing puzzles? And how can kids born to the same parents and raised in the same house be so different? I love reading those studies of twins separated at birth and how similarly they turn out - sometimes even married to people with the same name!  And for people who haven't been separated at birth, it can't all come down to first child, second child, etc.    You know, most people meeting me think I'm the baby of the family...I know, it's partly because I'm spoiled :)  but there has to be more to it, doesn't there? Say yes...... But it's no wonder that I'm a little nuts - I'm a first child and a third child all at the same time.....Like I said, I find the whole subject of nature vs nurture to be interesting...