After spending last night crying her heart out because she's not going to earn the scooter as a prize for the current let's-ask-everyone-we-know-for-money activity the school is running (she'd have to raise almost a thousand dollars!), Devon was pretty calm about it today. She got the prizes today that were "earned" for the amount of money she's been pledged, and she was pretty happy about that. She wants more prizes, of course, and briefly mentioned that she needed to call more people, but got distracted almost immediately and went out to play. Aubrey, bless her heart, never even remembered to bring her school's fund-raiser booklet home when they had theirs in the fall. And they only have the one. It feels like Devon's school has fund-raisers every time we turn around.
I explained to Devon that she was not going to get the scooter, it takes a LOT of money to get it and people have supported her in a lot of stuff this year. You can't keep asking people for money, you know? She started asking why they have so many fund-raisers then. Hmmm, good question. My objection is that they make the prizes look so good - the high value ones, anyway, and I would think it's got to be not more than maybe 5% of the kids that earn them. But how do you explain to a little kid how much she would have to be pledged to earn the iPad or scooter or the week-end at the Nickelodeon Hotel? All the kids see are these pictures of the prizes....where is the lesson on what they're raising money for? Devon couldn't answer that question when her grandfather asked her.
So, Devon lost the use of her bike for today after kicking me last night. Not a hard kick, barely touched me, but it's the principal of the thing. You can't go around kicking people when you don't get your way. Can you? She begged me to let her ride it, just take away tv instead, but no, I stuck to my guns and it was no bike. It needs to make an impression, right? or what's the point? Aubrey has lost the use of her bike for tomorrow. I probably should have picked something else since I don't know that she'll even be home with any time to ride a bike tomorrow, but that's what I said, so that's what we'll live with. My daughters do not listen to me. Aubrey is supposed to be home by 8:30 pm. She decided that, since it is her spring break, she could stay out longer, say until 9, at least. I did not agree to this, and at 8:40 commenced looking for her. Not a hard task, I had a good idea of where she might be, but that is not the point. I find Aubrey, have a brief "discussion" about what time she is to be home.....8:30 regardless, she still has to get up early in the morning...and she comes in. She is supposed to be coming in to take a shower (much needed) and get ready for bed. What she does is comes in, says I'm taking the dog out and leaves again. Excuse me? After 10 minutes, when she has not returned with the dog (that is all it takes to bike around our neighborhood) I once again head out to look for her. Not happy. "Ask me why I'm not happy, Bob." Need I elaborate? So Aubrey has no bike for tomorrow.
I am really trying to be consistent and firm and have actual unpleasant repercussions....you know, be the mean mommy they say I am. They just do not listen to me. I had to walk away from Devon tonight - I could not think of a way to get her to listen and do what she needed to do! Poor Ron, with his head still hurting, had to deal with her. Which, of course, leads to poor Devon, because Daddy has zero tolerance for anything especially when he is not feeling well and let's just say he got her in the shower but she was not a happy person while there or when she got out. I guess picking her up and placing her in the shower was a solution. Is her unhappiness with this turn of events enough of a repercussion that no "punishment" for the bad listening is needed? I'm not sure.
I am really pathetically bad at discipline and consistency and coming up with logical repercussions. Did I tell you that Ron and I took a parenting course last year? It was done by a therapist we know and was intended to help teach parents how to deal with difficult children. Ron took it first and thought it was worth my taking it. I failed the class. Partly, I think I just had a problem with some of what the teacher was telling us, and I think I didn't take it seriously enough but mostly it was because when we had to seriously answer with ideas for natural and logical repercussions, and discuss the importance of consistency and never changing your answer once you've given it, I just couldn't do those things. I know I shouldn't say I "can't" do them, but it does seem that way. So I failed parenting class. No wonder my daughters think they rule the roost. I think Ron believes that too. I am the only one who doesn't think that. Do I live in a fantasy world? I don't think so. I mean, one: my fantasy world would look like Willie Wonka's factory, not the messy chaotic house I currently live in. Two: the girls always have explanations for why they think their way of ding it is best or why they didn't listen in a particular instance. Ron gets frustrated with me because I will actually listen to the girls' stories and reasoning. Should I not? Three: the girls do understand about appropriate behavior. They always get rave reviews after spending time at other people's houses. Which to me means that somewhere along the way they've learned what's appropriate and what's not, and I like to think I had something to do with that. They listen to others (I guess that actually works against me in terms of who runs this particular house!) But they do, on occasion, do what they are supposed to and actually listen. Just not as often as they really need to - in my opinion, and most definitely in Ron's opinion. So, is this a control issue? Or just bad parenting? I need to find a way to focus on the good things, the happy, lovely moments, and just enjoy them whenever I can. Do not call me Pollyanna! I really do love them a lot and want them to be happy and enjoy their childhood....I hate to think I'm the cause of them not being happy or enjoying their childhood. Are they going to spend a fortune and the rest of their lives in therapy talking about their mommie dearest? I sure hope not!
Anyway, it's day two of diminished caffeine and I think I'm going to sign off and go to bed before I lose my good intentions and feelings of tiredness and move on to another topic. At least tomorrow's Friday! :)
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